Accidental Baby Bulimia

HumorMD Jr is really starting to pick up the pace with his developmental skills. One of his most recent discoveries are his extremities. He spent a good two days simply staring at his feet and following them as he moved them around. Previous to the foot discovery, he had already shown some interest in putting his hands in his mouth. We were already debating over when he would find out that his thumb can indeed extend from his fist and be placed conveniently in his mouth.

He has yet to figure the thumb thing out completely, but since losing interest in his feet, he has gone back to his hands with a vengeance. Little man can nearly get his entire fist into his mouth (impressive given his hand size for an infant) and does so on a regular basis. It is actually difficult to get his pacifier in his mouth sometimes because he is too busy sucking on his own fingers.

One nasty consequence of the finger thing is that he has discovered another even more primitive aspect of himself...his gag reflex. It turns out that if you place your entire hand in your mouth, then you stand a good chance of choking yourself. After a few unexplained spit ups, we finally caught him in the act gagging while he continued to chomp on his little digits.

In an effort to curb this behavior, I've been pretty actively watching him and replacing his fist with his pacifier or other approved baby chew toy whenever he goes for his own fingers. He finally seems to be getting the point and will simply go with whatever I provide. He wasn't a big fan at first though. He would actually let out a whimper and look at me like I stole his bottle. Ridiculous, right? Hopefully, he'll learn to trust his old man. No sense in vomiting on your own fingers when there's a good Sophie the Giraffe chew toy available.

Tigers, Tebow, and Time and a Half

The post Christmas blues have officially worn off in the HumorMD household. This was likely due to the fact that we worked straight through most of it! I'm in the hospital again this morning and Mrs. HumorMD is finishing up an overnight shift as well. My parents are in town helping us taking care of little guy today. After a little time at home today, we're off to a wedding tonight before I get to head back to the hospital to work the day shift on Sunday. Hopefully I'm not down for the invocation Sunday morning. If so and you're a church member reading this, fill in for me please!

On the sports front, college football is about to make its final push. Bowls with actual meaning will start up this week. My Clemson Tigers play LSU on Monday and you can bet I'll be in front of the TV for that one. Really excited about this game because its a chance for us to prove ourselves versus a quality opponent.

The NFL is also going to be interesting soon. The playoff are the one time in the NFL season when I'll actually watch all the games. I usually just skip around and find teams with certain players I like (i.e CJ Spiller, Tim Tebow). Ironically, those two guys are playing this Sunday. This is likely Tebow's last game as a Jet, and from all accounts that's a good thing for both sides. Hard to figure out how that whole fiasco went down. I don't blame Tebow for being upset about being passed over. He was lied to if he was told he was the backup all season and then didn't get to play when the number one guy is benched. By definition, the next man is up when number one is out. If that isn't you, then you weren't the back up.

I've wrestled with what to think about the rumor that he asked out of playing in certain packages. First, I don't know if its true. If it is true, then my final answer rests on what I would think if HumorMD Jr asked out of a certain play or position in rec league sports. In short, I wouldn't be happy. I'm trying to teach him to put the team first and help the team win in whatever way possible. If the coach lied to you, then that's on him. Your reaction is on you. Tebow has never had a problem with this in the past, and I hope it doesn't happen again. At least we know he's human now, right...

New Food: Bubble Gum

HumorMD Jr had a great experience over the holiday trying a new food. As you'll hear about in a future post, we spent a portion of Christmas Eve at the pediatrician's office with an ear infection (too traumatic to talk about now). We walked away with a prescription for some bubble gum flavored amoxicillin. I surely wish that I had such flavored medicines when I was a kid. Anyone that has ever tasted liquid amoxicillin or augmentin can tell you that you would rather just keep blowing your nose than have to taste that stuff multiple times per day.

I'll admit that I was a bit skeptical about the bubble gum flavor thing. We're talking about the kid that thinks the Rotavirus vaccine tastes like chocolate cake, so I didn't understand why we didn't just give him the original. Don't want to throw him off his game with the whole flavoring thing. Not to mention that it could ruin actual bubble gum. It's going to take him years to figure out that Big League Chew isn't medicine and that you shouldn't immediately swallow it. I don't want him to be the kid standing at second base calling out to the coach that he ran out of gum because he ate all he had. Embarrassing.

Anyway, little man is taking it like a champ. No surprise there for anyone. I haven't tasted it myself, but the stuff surely does smell just like bubble gum. I was going to ask the pharmacist what other flavors could be arranged for when I get a sinus infection, but Mrs. HumorMD nixed that pretty quickly. I think it's an important question though. There are a lot more adults that can't swallow pills than you might think. I'm sure the number of people that take their medicine appropriately would also skyrocket if it tasted good. Can you imagine cholesterol medicine that tastes like creme brulee? It would be awesome. Instead of eating the real thing and shooting up their cholesterol, they can take the medicine and lower it. Add it to HumorMD Jr's franchising opportunities. We just want to make sure we lock up all the royalties right now.

P.S. Here is the updated list of favorite foods:

1. Formula (aka baby crack)
2. Liquid Tylenol
3. Rotavirus vaccine (same link as Tylenol)
4. Sophie the Giraffe
5. Amoxicillin
6. Bubble Gum

Storage Wars

I know you've heard of the show on TV called Storage Wars. On that show, people buy abandoned storage units so they can sell the contents for profit. After Christmas at the HumorMD household, we can likely fill up several units that those fine folks could sell for a handsome profit. In short, HumorMD Jr racked up. Its incredibly hard to find a toy appropriate for a 3 month old, but my family was up for the challenge. I think they all went to Toys-R-Us and asked to see every toy that either lights up or plays music.

HumorMD Jr loves them all, of course. He can just hang on to the miniature basketball, football, and soccer ball that he now has, and he gets a very intense look on his face when he tries to move one of them. We are trying to encourage him to use his left hand. Given the demand for left handed pitchers vs. right hand pitchers, we figure any good parent would keep this in mind when teaching him how to hold and throw a ball.

As far as the light up/musical toys, he about had a nervous breakdown when he figured out that he can press a button and make the toy light up. He's not strong or coordinated enough to accomplish this on his own on a consistent basis, but he lets out an infant scream of delight every time he manages to do it. His favorite, by far, is his Fun Pad. We like to call it the baby iPad because that's what it looks like to us. In his mind, it's probably more like "the greatest thing since I first saw a ceiling fan." He will stare at it, mesmerized, while it plays and then start rapidly pumping all four of his extremities when it ends. Pretty funny stuff.

That's just the beginning of the series of holiday recap posts that are coming down the pike. HumorMD Jr did quite a lot of new and exciting things. Here's a little sneak peek at things to expect:

• New Food: Bubble Gum
• Accidental Baby Bulimia
• The Second Illness
• HumorMD Jr's First Girlfriend

That should be enough to get us started. There really is no limit to the amount of material HumorMD Jr can provide if you spend a few days with him uninterrupted. The little guy is just that much fun. Stay tuned!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your day is filled with family, friends, and lots of love. I am spending the first part of my morning take care of some patients in the hospital, and then I will be headed out to spend time with my family. My parents are coming into town later but unfortunately I can't be with my extended family today. Our tradition when I was a kid was that I would read the Christmas story on Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house for everyone.

Since the HumorMD family can't be there this year, I've got the next best thing. Here is a video of an adorable 4 year old giving her version of the Christmas story. One day we'll get HumorMD Jr to give his version when he can read. Hope this video helps you enjoy celebrating Christ's birth today. Merry Christmas!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Good Saturday morning everyone! Per usual weekend routine when you're in residency, I'm in the hospital right now. I'll be here all day and night until tomorrow morning. Accordingly, I don't have much to talk about today. No matter as the HumorMD blog will be going into holiday mode after today. No posts tomorrow or Christmas Eve. There will be a Merry Christmas message posted Christmas Day that you can enjoy with your family. Otherwise, I hope everyone is out enjoying the season with your loved ones and celebrating Christ's birth.

This would not be a usual Saturday morning post without my college sports run down. Briefly, Duke is for real in case I haven't hammered that point home enough. They also just picked up one of the best recruits in the nation for next year. Coach K is a machine.

Speaking of machines, my Clemson Tigers played like robots versus Coastal Carolina. Coach Brownell apologized to the fans after the game, which I think was deserved. Hopefully this will serve as a wake up call to our players. Embarrasment has a way of doing that.

Today has a wonderful slate of college basketball games. The highlight in my view is Kansas vs. Ohio State. I'm hoping that I can get some down time here in the hospital to catch some of it. Don't really have an opinion on who wins, so I get to relax and just enjoy a good game.

Lastly, UNC plays McNeese St tonight. You might ask why I would even bring this game up? Well, UNC hasn't looked that hot recently, and losing this game could put them in a tailspin before our little holiday break. Crucial for the Tar Heels to win like they're supposed to. If not, look out for one of those "might not make the tournament" seasons that Roy Williams throws in every now and then.

That's all for now. Enjoy your weekend and Merry Christmas!

Looking Backwards

Maybe I over think things, but its pretty interesting how HumorMD Jr likes to be carried. He enjoys taking in his surroundings, so he prefers to be held upright on your shoulder with his head looking backwards. That way, he can charm whoever is behind you while you walk around. By the way, the added bonus here is that any spit up he decides to produce ends up on the ground behind you. Sorry lady in the check out line behind me. Just keep a safe distance, and you'll make it through just fine.

On a deeper level though, this set up is interesting. As HumorMD Jr's father, I'm thinking about what's coming for him. I'm constantly planning for his future and trying to prepare him for it. I know what's coming and what he needs to do right now to be ready. In short, I'm looking foward.

On the contrary, HumorMD Jr is looking back. He's looking back at me when I'm trying to get him to do Tummy Time, making sure that I'm there. He's looking back at me when I put him on his play mat so that he knows I think it's safe. All he knows is what he has done so far in life. He has to look to me for guidance on the future because I've been there, and he hasn't.

By now, you know what's coming. This entire thing is a metaphor for our relationship with God. In short, He knows and we don't. All we have to rely on personally is our limited experience stumbling around trying to figure things out. On the contrary, He knows it all. If we'll just let Him carry us, He'll take us the right way without us even being able to see where we're going.

Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You do I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5

Think about that when you see a child being held looking back over his/her parent's shoulder. That's you. I know you think you're hot stuff and can handle it all like I do sometimes. The truth is you can't, and you need help. I could take this metaphor a step further and tie it in to HumorMD Jr's spit up, but I'll spare you today. Jesus always knew exactly when to end a proverb, and I'm trying to learn from the best!

Tummy Time Part 2

My previous post about Tummy Time should give you an idea about how well future Tummy Time episodes have gone. HumorMD Jr has continued to enjoy laying on his belly by drooling and tasting pillows. Mrs. HumorMD finally decided that she had had enough and upped the ante. We are now the proud owners of the Tummy Triangle. No pillows to lick here, which means we can finally try to focus on the task at hand.

We tried out our new contraption for the first time today. At first, he simply relaxed on it like he was tanning at the beach, which is his usual style. I decided that it was time to provide some instruction and lifted his head up so he could see himself in the mirror. This is a significant perk for HumorMD Jr as he loves to look at himself in the mirror (I know, I know. Not a good sign). Once he noticed that he could take in his own likeness, he actually did give it a little more effort! He managed to get his head up a bit for a few seconds at a time. Given our previous resounding failures, I'll take it!

Tummy Time did end in the way that it always does...crying. He finally decided he'd had enough of a workout and starting screaming. He was upset at me for a good two minutes for making him endure the torture. After giving me a look like I was the worst bully imaginable, he settled in on watching Mickey Mouse's Playhouse while sucking on his entire fist (hasn't figured out the thumb thing yet). At least he gets over things quickly. I've got a feeling that I'm going to have to be the bad guy quite a bit here so that we can get his little head under control. That's fine with me. No better time to start teaching him about hard work and never quitting. I'm sure he can draw on this when we move on to bigger and better challenges...like pee peeing in the potty. Big time stuff.

Crowds

You already heard about HumorMD Jr's first outing to a golf course yesterday. The wedding going on was a secondary event as well. Another reason for me wanting to focus HumorMD Jr on the golf course was that the noise quite simply was too much for him. We've noticed that HumorMD Jr is not big on interacting with more than about two people at a time. Needless to say, a wedding of 100 people is way above his personal limit.

This wasn't his first outing into a big crowd. We've been to several other birthday parties, church events, etc where he has displayed his displeasure at being social. Humor MD Jr has an odd method for rebelling though. Most kids would scream or cry. Not HumorMD Jr. He figures if we're trying to force him to be social than he will do the most anti-social thing possible...sleep. That's right. Little man passes right out in big crowds.

Sure, he's faking it sometimes. Most of the time though, he's honest to goodness asleep. Actually, he's probably a great indicator of how good a party you've got. Here's a little scale for you:

Awake-Funeral
Zoned Out-Senior Citizens Playing Bingo
Heavy Eyed-Kid's Birthday party
Faking Sleep-Decent party with DJ or live music
Asleep-Floor Thumping Good Time
REM Sleep-Rave

If you remember from my previous post about using babies to invite people to weddings, HumorMD Jr is building quite the entertainment franchise. I'm trying to get him to diversify to TV, but he's just not ready for that yet. Don't want to rush greatness.

The First Golf Course Trip

This past Sunday was a big day in HumorMD Jr's little life. It was his first trip to a golf course. Incidentally, we were also attending a wedding at the time, but that's not what's really important here. The moment was totally lost on me until we were driving down the main drive to the club house, and I saw him gazing out at the driving range. I gave myself a figurative kick in the rear. What kind of dad forgets about the first time taking his son to a golf course?

Fortunately, I recovered quickly. We parked, and I immediately took him over to show him the bag drop. We then moved to the golf cart drop as I explained that you always take your clubs to your car before turning in the cart. Mrs. HumorMD was getting a bit irritated at this point because we needed to get to the reception. I relented and we went upstairs into the clubhouse.

Of course, part of the reason that I relented was that going up to the second floor of the clubhouse gave us a great view of the 10th fairway and green. I pointed out the water hazard and how to always look for your ball when it goes there because you can find tons of free golf balls there. I showed him the fairway as well, which was unnaturally green for this time of year. Last we looked at the green. Drive for show and putt for dough. The green always slopes down towards the water. Hopefully he'll remember that and putt better than his old man. Doesn't do you a bit of good to be within 10 feet of the pin and miss the putt.

This entire description of what I showed him is notable for one thing that I purposefully left out. I intentionally made no mention of the rough. I figure if I don't mention it, he'll think it doesn't exist and never wind up there. You'll think me later, little buddy, I promise.

The wedding was beautiful by the way, in case you were wondering. The ceremony was just off the tenth green under a tree in front of the aforementioned water hazard. HumorMD Jr has already figured out that set up may not be ideal. Who wants to start out your married life in the rough, right next to the water, with a tree blocking your angle to the green? I'm sure we can find some beautiful views in the fairway. Surely would be better to HumorMD Jr's eye...

Batteries

HumorMD Jr's Christmas is quickly coming together. There are multiple challenges with buying Christmas gifts for a 12 week old. He isn't really old enough for most of the toys out there, and he can only focus on one thing at a time in thirty second increments. We have stood in several Babies-R-Us lines throughout this process, and I have noticed something new this year.

Every time we make it through the sea of people to the cash register, we are greeted with the number of batteries our purchases require before we get our total. This has a twofold effect. The first is to boost sales as I'm sure that prompts people to buy batteries on the spot. The second for me, personally, is a bit of buyer's remorse. Think about this from my perspective. I've just spent a sizable chunk of of my life savings, and now you're telling me that I have to dip into my 401k in order to pay for all the batteries to make these toys function. It's kind of like dunking in my face and then going into the stands to taunt my mother. One is a good move, but the second is just unacceptable.

To combat this retail unsportsmanlike conduct, I have concocted a holiday plan of my own. Every time I am reminded of the extra amount I need to spend on batteries by a cashier, I'm going to ask for a price check on the item requiring batteries. If feeling sufficiency irritated, I may even produce a coupon after getting that price check. Nothing slows down a check out line like the dreaded price check. If carried out to full effect, this will totally negate the sales bump the stores are getting from this battery ploy. Think about it. Can the store make any extra money on batteries while I'm price checking HumorMD's new Rocktivity table or diaper rash cream? I don't think so my friend.

Lastly and most importantly, today is HumorMD Jr's 3 month birthday! Happy Birthday buddy!

Post Call

Post will be short today as I am finishing up my overnight call in the hospital this morning. I've been at work since 6:30 AM yesterday and will still be here for a few more hours. Working that long is not fun, but its part of the job. Its much harder now that HumorMD Jr is at home wondering where Dad is. I've informed his Mom that she should turn on the Premier League games so that he can have his Saturday morning soccer fix. Hopefully that will be happening.

Though I have been busy over the past 24 hours, I have seen the horrific events in Connecticut. My heart goes out to those families that lost loved ones there. There simply isn't anything I can say to ease their pain, but everyone I have talked to is thinking and praying for them. I'm doing the same while holding my own little family tight.

Otherwise, there isn't much on my plate today. I'll spend several hours napping this afternoon and hopefully enjoy some time off tomorrow. Enjoy the weekend everyone!

My Son Bruised My Chest

HumorMD Jr is going to be able to squat entire buildings in the weight room when he gets older. How do I know this? Because he already injured his old man by kicking him in the chest. Yes, you read that right. The 12 week old kicked me so hard that he bruised me. Embarrassed and proud all at the same time. I'm an emotional basket case.

You might wonder what inspired such a show of strength from little man? That would be our Saturday morning soccer viewing. The Premier League comes on in the morning (maybe a few of you actually know that). We've discovered over the past few weekends that HumorMD Jr loves to watch soccer. He will watch the entire game and kick his own legs every time he sees someone kick the ball on the TV. It's pretty remarkable to watch.

This past Saturday, I decided to get down in front of him while this was going on. As it turns out, Chelsea went on a breakaway and HumorMD Jr went nuts. I was leaning over him making faces when he planted his right heel directly in my sternum. It knocked me back for a second, which was fortunate since it allowed me to see Chelsea score. I'm not sure if little buddy was happy that Chelsea scored or mad at me for partially blocking his view. Regardless, he gave me everything he's got, and I did not get down in front of him until the game was off.

Mrs. HumorMD was actually very excited about this entire series of events. She is trying to ensure that he latches on to a sport that involves few injuries. So far, the leaders are baseball, soccer, tennis, golf, badminton, and dodgeball (no wrenches unlike the movie). Football is somewhere near the bottom. That might be good for the short term as well. Can you imagine if I had to go to the hospital because my 12 week old tried to cut block me when I walked by? The guys at work would never let me live that down.

Hat Training

I've already told you about HumorMD Jr's hatred for winter clothes. This inclination of his extends to hats as well. This presents a problem during cold weather. He already hates blankets and thick clothes. The little guy is going to freeze to death if we have to add hats to the black list. Consequently, we have introduced him to hat training.

Hat training is somewhat like desensitization for those familiar with medicine. You gradually expose someone to higher and higher doses of something they're allergic to so that they can eventually tolerate it. The same concept applies with hat training. We are giving him increasing amounts of time wearing a hat each day. So far, we're up to about 5 minutes. He has spent every second of that grunting and violently shaking his head from side to side so far. Promising, I know.

It probably doesn't help that his old man really hates hats. I only wear them when I haven't showered in days or if I'm on a construction site that requires hard hats to decrease the risk of death from falling objects. Accordingly, I've adopted the role of bad cop for this entire hat training fiasco. Mrs. HumorMD encourages him and says nice things, and I stand behind her making scary faces. Occasionally I let loose an ear splitting scream to better get my point across. I figure he should be presented with both options equally so he can choose for himself. I can't help it that he sides with me. The facts are the facts, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Dr. Google

When you first start out as a doctor, you're very nervous about letting people know that you are absolutely clueless. I can recall many a time that I made an excuse to leave the room as an intern so that I could go look up something. Patients already look at you with a suspicious eye since they know you're new. If they catch you trying to figure out the dose of insulin you should give them on Google, its adios amigos.

As I've progressed through residency, I'm much less shy about using my tools to my advantage. Smartphones have taken over as the must have resident resource. Residents twenty years ago would carry around huge books in their pockets as reference. I have all of that plus more in the palm of my hand. I can even order dinner and text my wife while I look something up. Pretty cool in my opinion.

As a consequence, I've huddled around my iPhone with several patients to look up an answer we're seeking. I've found my patients to be much more trusting of me when I will simply admit that there are some things that I don't know. It helps that I have had some attending physicians that I work under model this well. When you are exchanging journal articles with patients like some of them are, then you have a reached a new level of patient physician collaboration. There are a lot of times that answers are hard to find or not cut and dry, and I enjoy my job much more when I can simply be honest about that.

I don't think that this iDoc revolution is going to change any time soon. If anything, technology is going to come into the exam room more and more. It's our responsibility as doctors to figure out how to appropriately use it so that its helpful and not a hindrance to our relationship with our patients. By the time HumorMD Jr is in med school (haha, we'll see!), I'm hoping that we'll have the technology to simply record the appointment and transcribe it into a note for the medical record. I'm sure people are working on this. If not, I thought of it first and am awaiting my royalty check. 60% of all sales will do. Don't want to get too greedy.

Seriously though, don't freak out when your doctor pulls out his smartphone or fires up the computer in front of you. He has the entire medical literature at his fingertips. Let him use it. Would you rather he be confidently wrong or humbly correct? I'll take the humility all day, and so should you.

The First Illness

Well, it finally happened. We knew it was coming at some point. HumorMD Jr got sick. With all of the bugs that Mrs. HumorMD and I are around on a daily basis, it was only a matter of time. We both come down with an upper respiratory virus this past week, and it wasn't long before little man was sniffling. I'll preface the rest of this post by saying that he's perfectly fine. A few sniffles remain but he is well on his way to recovery.

The main symptom that HumorMD Jr had was nasal congestion. I discovered his problem at night when he woke up snorting like a pig. We're well schooled in the fine art of nasal irrigation and bulb suction, so I started in on his nasal cavities. Little man was not very happy about this. No one gets very excited about being held down and having saline squirted up your nose. Usually, one bulb syringe episode will last him for days. He woke up needing another round about 3 hours later.

That was pretty much our routine for the next 24 hours. Irrigation and suction followed by not letting him lie flat and then repeat. HumorMD Jr handled it all like a champ. He continued to devour bottles like a tiger attacking its prey. He can also sleep in almost any position, so staying upright wasn't a problem at all for him. He never had a fever during the whole ordeal. In my professional view, this is an indicator of a superior immune system. Maybe he's really a superhero.

Reflecting on this episode, I'm glad we got it over with now. HumorMD Jr is at a real risk of getting ignored later in life when he feels sick. With both of his parents being doctors, he's pretty much going to have to be falling over before we take it seriously. Most parents just come pick up their child when the school nurse calls to say that they're sick. We'll just phone in some orders and say call us back if that doesn't work.

Kicked Out of Church

A time comes when every infant has to take his or her rightful place in the nursery. HumorMD Jr experienced that this Sunday. Our church is very understanding of newborns in the service, but I don't want him sitting there grunting, crying and generally distracting everyone else. He started whimpering after the opening hymn, and I made the decision to semi-gracefully exit after communion.

I say only semi-gracefully because he had already starting crying and it was during the middle of the prayer. My mother-in-law had been holding him during all of this. A family friend leaned forward and said rather loudly that she must not be doing it right. As hilarious as that was, it just meant I had to make an even hastier exit than planned so I didn't laugh out loud. I got a lot of of one eyed looks from adults with their heads bowed on the way out. If you're one of those one eyed adults reading this, yes I saw you open your eye (singular of course). God saw it too. You do with that what you will.

As it turns out, HumorMD Jr is a big fan of the nursery. I took him in there, sat down in a rocking chair, and he passed out immediately. There were some little boys building block towers and then loudly destroying them, but that never phased him. We remained in that chair for the duration of the service. It was probably his favorite trip to church to date.

Although little man didn't check out his surroundings much, I'm sure he's going to like it in there. There's everything a little boy could want: nice people, blocks, trains, and Mr. Potato Head. I watched the block destroyers put Mr. Potato Head's arms on backwards for about 10 minutes before I helped them out. Then I taught them the word double jointed before leaving. Nothing like a little medical education to close out a landmark Sunday. We're looking forward to next week!

Move Over Heisman, Round Ball is Here

Happy Saturday to everyone. A great day of college hoops awaits for HumorMD Jr and I. There's only one matchup of two top 25 teams today, but this is the first Saturday where the basketball schedule is full. HumorMD Jr will be checking out the Blue Devils again today at 3:15. We'll see if they can take care of business against Temple and continue their argument for being number one in the nation.

My Clemson Tigers take on the number eight ranked Arizona Wildcats. I'm really looking forward to this game. Clemson doesn't have the offensive firepower that most teams do, but we do possess a good defensive mentality that keeps us in games we otherwise shouldn't be in. If we can keep this to a low scoring affair, then we have a chance with some well timed buckets.

The only top 25 matchup that I alluded to earlier is Illinois at Gonzaga at 10PM. That's a little bit past HumorMD Jr's bedtime, so I'm not sure we'll catch that one. Maybe we can DVR it for him, and he can check it out during his morning bottle time.

The only football related item today is the Heisman Trophy. Klein, Te'o, and Manziel are the guys. Klein is third in my opinion. This will come down to Te'o vs. Manziel. I wouldn't have a problem with either of them. Both have played well and bring something unique to the table (defensive player vs. freshman). Given what I know, I'm going to stick my money on Te'o. He's already won the other player of the year awards, plays for Notre Dame, and is an upperclassmen. All of these attributes typically bode well for a Heisman finalist.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend. I will be back in the hospital tomorrow morning unfortunately, which means I will likely not be saying the opening prayer during church as scheduled (ahh resident life). However, I should be able to spend some time with HumorMD Jr and Mrs. HumorMD later on in the afternoon. Now, on to the laundry!

P.S. Forgot to mentioned the Army vs. Navy game today. How dumb am I? Yes, you should watch that. Future military leaders playing football. Just might be worth your time if you're into the whole duty and honor thing.

Mom, I'm Coughing!

HumorMD Jr is rapidly learning how to work the system. As most new parents do, we respond to every little cry and movement fairly rapidly. Consequently, he not only expects us to respond quickly to his needs, but he also will use our attentiveness against us. His best work by far is when he coughs.

Now, HumorMD Jr probably has coughed about four times in his entire life to date. Each one has been a full scale production. After each expectoration, he turns and looks at his mother as if the world has just ended. A small cry will usually follow and Mom or Dad comes running. In case you were wondering, he's always fine by the time we get there. He'll even usually break out a smile for our efforts once we reach him.

Mrs. HumorMD has dubbed this the "I'm coughing!" face, which I think is appropriate. What HumorMD Jr doesn't understand yet is that he doesn't have to break out the drama for us to pay attention to him. He'll be quite the actor if every bodily function is accompanied with this type of theatrics.

While most of you laugh at HumorMD Jr, you actually do the same thing. How many of us regularly do things that we believe we must do to get God's attention? We think we must act a certain way, choose a certain career, or obtain a certain level of piety. None of this is true of course. We are valuable to God because we are his creation made for a relationship with Him. That's it. In the same way, HumorMD Jr is valuable to me because he is my son. Nothing he does could change that.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7

Remember where your worth lies and that nothing you do will increase or decrease it. There's no need to break out the "I'm coughing" face for God.


P.S. HumorMD Jr's GI tract conquered another outfit while I was writing this. If you thought the "I'm coughing" face was bad, you should see this...
 

Remember, Remember the 5th of December

Yesterday was a big day in the Internal Medicine world. Unbeknownst to any of you, an entirely new crop of doctors that will provide care for patients with heart disease, cancer, kidney disease, GI illnesses, arthritis, and lung problems was selected yesterday (amongst many others). In case you were wondering, that pretty much covers everyone in the entire world at some point in their life. Yesterday was subspecialty Match Day.

Match Day for medical students gets a lot more press than the subspecialty version. I've seen national news reports showing medical students opening their letters on a stage telling them where they will be doing residency. For medicine residents doing subspecialties, it is not nearly that dramatic. Most of them simply opened their emails at noon yesterday to find out their fate. All adults will probably see one of these folks at some point in your life. Your newly minted cardiologist is probably walking around a hospital right now proudly telling their colleagues where they are going for their training.

You might ask why I'm broadcasting this. Why should you care? There's no way for you to know which one will be your doctor one day. My point is fairly simple. Residency is hard. Those who have never done it can't understand the accomplishment that comes with finishing and moving on to the next challenge that awaits. For third year residents, Match Day yesterday signaled more than the start of the next phase. It meant nearing the completion of a very large step in their lives.

So if you know a resident that matched yesterday, join me in congratulating them. They have worked many long hours to get there. HumorMD Jr has already given out a congratulatory present or two as a matter of fact. I'll let you figure out which end it came from...

Tummy Time

Since Mrs. HumorMD is a pediatrician, there are certain mandated activities that HumorMD Jr has to do to ensure that he maintains a proper developmental trajectory. One of these is tummy time. What is this? Mandated time spent on his belly with a pillow under his head. The idea is that he has to lift his head to see anything, which will help him develop his head holding skills. I'm sure this works very well with many kids, but HumorMD Jr has thrown a wrench into this whole process. He loves being on his tummy.

He would lay there all day with his head on the pillow if you let him. He must enjoy scoping out the flooring in our house because he stares at the ground about one inch from his face and just cackles. Additionally, he's decided that repeatedly licking the pillow is an excellent use of tummy time. We have no idea why he thinks the pillow tastes so good, but he would have gone through an entire box of lollipops at this point with all the tongue action that's been going on.

We have made multiple attempts to redirect his efforts but have been unsuccessful so far. I tried pushing the pillow further under him, but that just resulted in him repeatedly face planting into the carpet. He greatly enjoyed this by the way. I moved the pillow the opposite way, but that just gave him easier access to licking the pillow. We have yet to come up with any other solution, and I'm pretty sure that we won't.

Mrs. HumorMD is naturally very concerned about this. Personally, I figure that when he finds something more interesting than the floor or licking the pillow then he will look up. For now, I like to think that we are developing his tasting skills. Who can say that they can differentiate between multiple brands of pillow based on taste alone? In the race for unique marketable skills, we are just innovative parents giving our kid a reason to hold his head high...well, you know what I mean.

Hey Santa, Lose the Fan!

HumorMD Jr took his second trip to see Santa over the weekend. His first visit was solo but this one was with his little cousins. I say little because they are all little to me, but they are older than him. Our main objective was pictures this time although I heard the other slipping in some extra gift ideas. The pictures went relatively well given that you had to get the attention of an infant plus three young girls all at once. HumorMD Jr discovered beards and spent several minutes with his face in it trying to get a good feel. Maybe he's thinking about not shaving in the future.

Our biggest problem came at the beginning when little man noticed something above his head. Kris Kringle apparently had been getting warm in his woolen red suit in the South Carolina and had decided to flip on the overhead fan. This created a real conundrum for HumorMD Jr. Do I look at all of my relative yelling my name or the one thing in this world that I can stare at for over five minutes? HumorMD Jr loves himself a good fan, so we lost that battle for awhile.

The photographer even remarked that all the kids kept looking at the fan. No one seemed to entertain the obvious solution...turn the fan off! Even I, the novice parent, knew that there was no way any infant was going to look at the camera with the whirling machine of infant hypnosis above. It's just like putting the Seahorse up there and expecting him to not look at it.

So for all dedicated Santas everywhere that are snapping photos that will be on Christmas cards and in scrapbooks for decades to come, please please give us parents a chance. Stock up on ice packs, rig up an AC unit behind you, or even go bold and get a Santa suit made that can breathe a little. But whatever you do, lose the fan!

Infant Essentials: How to Eat a Giraffe

I have goals for what I want to teach HumorMD Jr as he grows up. Faith, integrity, determination, and courage are few examples of the attributes that I hope I can instill in him. Before embarking on these lofty goals however, we must start with the basics. This past week, we have been working on his eating skills. He has come a long way in his first 11 weeks of life. Previously, more formula would end up on him than in him. That is no longer the case. He is steadily increasing the amount that he takes, and our next major step will likely be when to introduce solid food.

Some of you are the medical type and know that the recommendation is to not introduce solids before 6 months. Well, we broke that here in the HumorMD household. May I introduce you to HumorMD Jr's first solid food...Sophie. If you click on the link, you will notice something about Sophie. She's a giraffe. Mrs. HumorMD picked up Sophie several weeks ago. I'll have to admit that I made fun of this a bit. I didn't see the point of a female rubber chew toy shaped like a giraffe for a little boy. To be honest, it reminded me more of a dog toy.

Little man has taken to it like white on rice though. He will hold on to things if you put them in his hand now. After getting a firm grasp on Sophie, it took him less than five minutes to get that thing to his mouth and starting gnawing. He's not cutting teeth yet, but he should have some good strong gums by the time that rolls around.

Given his obvious love for this plastic toy, we have officially dubbed it his first solid food. As review, let's go back through the now updated list of HumorMD Jr's favorite foods:

1. Formula (aka baby crack)
2. Liquid Tylenol
3. Rotavirus vaccine (same link as Tylenol)
4. Sophie the Giraffe

That's the makings of quite a list there. Can't wait to see what we add next!

Championship Saturday

As broken up as HumorMD Jr is that our Tigers aren’t playing this weekend, both he and I are excited about today. It’s conference championship  Saturday, and some great games await us. First, congrats to the Stanford Cardinals. Love what they have done with that program. My home conference game, the ACC, features Florida State vs. Georgia Tech. I will pay attention because it is the ACC, but the only word to describe it can be disappointing. When one team in your conference championship is getting a waiver to play in a bowl game in case they end up with a losing record, then you have a problem.

The game of the day is the SEC championship of course. A berth in the national championship game is on the line. I don’t have a preference between the Bulldogs and the Tide. I’m simply looking forward to watching some good football. Still undecided if I will pull for the winner of this game or Notre Dame in the national championship. This would traditionally be a no brainer as any Southerner worth his salt pulls should root against the Irish in that situation. The ACC has created a problem for me though with this recent agreement to make Notre Dame a semi-member. I’ll keep you updated on whether geographic or conference loyalty wins out.

Only the bowls remain for college football today, which means we are fully shifting gears to college basketball. My previous warning to other teams to not overlook Duke has now been upgraded to a full scale alert. After watching them come back against Ohio State I just have one thing to say…those jokers are good. I believe the Duke/UNC game will be painful for the Tar Heels as they most definitely cannot hang with them right now. My assessment of NC State is becoming more tempered. The Wolfpack have not looked as good of late. Still plenty of time to right the ship, but they might want to slow down that hype train for right now.

Hope all of you enjoy the day as much as HumorMD Jr and I will! Plenty of good things to come next week including HumorMD Jr’s battle with Sophie the rubber giraffe. Stay tuned for details!

Getting a Good Night's Sleep

Sleeping through the night is the holy grail of new parenthood. HumorMD Jr had been faithfully rising every 3-4 hours through the night for his bottle until last week. We had a typical new parent moment when we both awoke around 3AM and panicked. Why you might ask? Well, the baby was still sleeping. We thought that something surely must be wrong. How exhausted must he be to sleep more than 4 hours straight? Was he sick? Did the physicians miss their own child’s illness?

We entertained all of these thoughts and even considered waking him up just to make sure he was OK. Then, we recovered our wits and decided to just be thankful. He was fine, of course, and he awoke about an hour later ready for his bottle. Since then, he now goes anywhere between 5-8 hours straight sleeping. At only ten weeks old, that is amazing, and it again reinforces my belief that he is one awesome baby.

If I can though, I will try to make a serious point here at the end of the week. In the midst of our unnecessary parental anxiety, HumorMD Jr slept soundly. He also sleeps soundly through things like thunderstorms, vacuum cleaners, and ambulances coming through the neighborhood at 5:30 AM (true story). Why does he sleep so well? In a word, faith. HumorMD Jr knows his parents will take care of him. He KNOWS it. In his ten weeks on this earth, we have provided for his every need. He has no reason to doubt us.

If my child can fully rely on a dad that dropped his cell phone on him (again, true story), then how much more should we rely on God. Creator of the universe is a much better qualification than anything I’ve got to offer. Matthew 6 25:34 is a great passage for this. I’ll give you the punchline via verse 26:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

As this week full of its own troubles ends and a new one looms in a few days, remember that there is someone who is far more capable of handling your problems than you are. If HumorMD Jr can trust his bumbling Dad enough to sleep through the night, then why can’t you trust the all powerful God to handle your problems?

Weaponized Baby Spit Up

Mrs. HumorMD and I took HumorMD Jr to go see some holiday lights this past weekend at the James Island County Festival of Lights. For those local to the Lowcountry of South Carolina, it’s a great display, and we were excited about taking him for his first trip. HumorMD Jr had a different opinion about all this. As soon as our car passed through the gate, he decided it was time to turn in for the evening.

Being the seasoned parents that we now are (*cue laughter*), we weren’t very concerned about this. We figured he would surely wake up when we got out of the car. Since it was chilly out, we put on his winter outfit and hat to keep him snug. There was only one problem with this. Ever since birth, HumorMD Jr has hated to be swaddled, snuggled, or confined in any way. You can imagine what happened after we put on all his winter garb. He squirmed for a good thirty minutes.

We continued on our merry way figuring that he would eventually get over it. He did ultimately settle down, and I thought that all was clear. HumorMD Jr had a different plan it turns out. I was holding little man as we walked through the parking lot back to our car, and he started to kick me in the ribs. I gave him my best stern look and told him to hold still. HumorMD Jr gave me a look back I had never seen before and started to gag.

Now all of you know what’s coming at this point. Poor Dad just couldn’t move fast enough to avoid it. After a few more gags, HumorMD Jr proceeded to spit up right down the front of my jacket. To top of his performance, the little stinker that had been miserable all evening had the biggest grin on his face you can imagine afterwards.

Naturally, Mrs. HumorMD thought the entire thing was hilarious, and she began to clean him up. Dad had to wait to get cleaned up until HumorMD Jr was spotless of course. Not only did he spit up on me out of spite, but he even got cleaned up before I did! There isn’t much that is more humbling than standing in the cold with baby spit up on your jacket as families walk by and stare at you. I learned two important lessons. One, always let Mrs. HumorMD carry him when he’s mad, and two, never put baby in a corner.

Black Friday Pictures, Part 2

Happy Wednesday everyone. Today is the second in our two part series on pictures from my brief shopping outing on Black Friday. Today's categories include future professions and bodily functions. Enjoy!

Future Professions

Those of you that are observant will notice the haircut on this child. Any that thought the mullett was out of style in 2012 are clearly mistaken. This is just plain awesome. HumorMD Jr. has a rocker hair spike himself. As far as this child's future, the only possible appropriate destinations are professional wrestler, rock star, or working at the fair. Anything less would be a disappointment.

This child is a future football referee. No predictions can be made on whether college or pro. It's simply too early to make rash predictions like that. Those with a darker outlook may say that this child is surrending and destined for jail. HumorMD Jr and I don't subscribe to such grim notions. Keeping a positive outlook is always a must.

This picture is the most clear of all. The young man here is destined to be a judge. He seems to be already presiding over his high chair. Give this kid a robe and gavel, and he can start handing out sentences now.

Bodily Functions

Any parent would recognize this face. HumorMD Jr. does it about once to twice daily. In the midst of this child's photo shoot, he has done that which occurs daily in most folks. This child has pooped.

There you have it folks. That's all that I have from my little outing. Hope you enjoyed this little series as much as I did writing. For the record, Mrs. HumorMD most definitely did not enjoy me snapping pictures in the store as we walked around. Fortunately, this is neither the first nor the last time that I will embarrass her in public. Love you honey!

Black Friday Pictures

Some of you were crazy enough to go out early morning shopping Black Friday. This guy was not one of them. HumorMD Jr and I hung out at the house while Mrs. HumorMD went in search of deals. We did manage to venture out as a family on Black Friday evening to browse the aisles of Babies-R-Us. First, you need to understand that I am not a big shopper. I like to get in and get out. Consequently, "just browsing" usually means I start to go stir crazy within ten minutes.

This particular trip was no exception. As my eye wondered around the store, I started to notice something that was a bit disturbing. Nearly every item had a picture of a child on the box using the product, and every child looked completely weird. Fortunately I had my iPhone with me and decided to snap some pictures. There were so many that we will make this a two-day series. With that in mind, I now present pictures from the Black Friday shopping excursion of 2012:

Psychiatric Emergencies

This child is clearly demon possessed. What child smiles that wide spontaneously, especially when standing bare foot on a cold metal musical instrument? I forsee exorcism in this kid’s future.

These kids are trapped in a pen and both looking at something in between them that clearly isn’t actually there. The adult looking on thinks its funny! Two phone calls are in order here. Social Services and the closest pediatric psych ward.

Questionable Parent Decisions

Usually, parents use gates to keep their kids nearby while separating them from potentially dangerous items or pets. This mom has taken the opposite approach. She has used the gate to separate the child from her while keeping the dog nearby. Don’t want to be this kid if a fire breaks out and she only has time to grab one thing. That dog is going to win.

I think that’s enough for one day. Future professions and bodily functions will be the categories of the day tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Post Thanksgiving Chicken Beating

Today is the one Saturday during the year where even PETA knows that it is OK to beat chickens. That's right my friends. Today is Clemson vs. Carolina. HumorMD Jr and I will be spending the morning perusing the rest of the college football world until the 7 PM kickoff. I am excited for this game given the BCS bowl implications for my Tigers. Should be a hard fought contest, and I think Clemson should be able to pull it out.

As I've indicated before, I am all for chaos in the college football world. I'm a large proponent of a playoff system and not just a 4 team playoff. Accordingly, I will be pulling for the real USC to upset Notre Dame. The Golden Domers have a good team this year, as well as a QB from South Carolina. However, today requires them to lose for the good of college football. What can I say? Sometimes sacrifice is required.

We are also preparing for the transition from HumorMD Jr's first football season to his first basketball season. Basketball was the first sport that I really loved, so I'm looking forward to showing him the ins and outs of my first sports love. Hopefully, his athletic skills will surpass mine and allow him to be more than a simple spot up jump shooter like his old man. Early observations so far show that Clemson is playing well given their youth. Really like Brad Brownell and his style of play. Tough defense combined with motion offense. I couldn't ask for anything more, and a few good recruiting classes could result in some very impressive results. Outside of my alma mater, Duke has looked impressive so far, and NC State has all the tools to make a deep run. If State can actually beat everyone they're supposed to (traditionally difficult for them), then they will be in great shape.

Hope everyone enjoys your post Thanksgiving weekend and go Tigers!

The Baby is Coming! The Baby is Coming!

There are a whole host of ways that all of you use to get the word out about events you’re planning. Facebook, Twitter, mailed invitations, and emails are just a few. For those of us that are new parents, we have no use for any of these. While the rest of you are meticulously compiling your invitation lists and filling out cards, we take the easy road. Whenever I need to gather I crowd, I call up a family member or friend and tell them when and where HumorMD Jr. will be on a particular evening. The results are stunning. News like the latitude and longitude of an infant spreads like wildfire. Before you know it, you are turning away Grandma at the door because the fire marshal has shown up to your home.

An excellent example of this happened this past weekend (we  won't even talk about Thanksgiving yesterday). After church, we took little man over to his in-laws to hang out for awhile. A family member called to see if he was there, and I kept track of what happened next. After hanging up on that call, there were no fewer than eight cars at the house within one hour. Cars were parked on the side of a major road near the house. Some people starting waving palm leaves given our upcoming holiday season (made that part up).

Hopefully this gives you some idea of the celebrity status a newborn experiences. We are working on a business plan to help HumorMD Jr. monetize this and contribute to his college fund. We’ll call it Infantations. Instead of mailing all those invites, we’ll just tell all of your guests that a group of 10 babies will be present at the time and location of your event. No hassle. No fuss. 100% attendance guaranteed. Just make sure you don’t run out of food. HumorMD Jr. doesn’t like to be associated with low class events like that.

Gobble! Gobble!

Short post today as all of you should be spending time with family and friends! Many things to be thankful this year including a great wife, great family, great friends, employment, and of course,  HumorMD Jr. The little man obviously won’t really know today is different than other days as there is no such thing as turkey flavored formula. He’ll be happy to see his grandparents though, especially the ones that live in a box. Hope all of you enjoy the day and no one gets killed on Black Friday. You can avoid the risk of injury or death by shopping in the HumorMD Amazon store at home in your PJ's. That camping out at Best Buy thing is for the birds anyway.

P.S. For those of you with heart failure or other conditions that require you to watch your sodium intake, I don’t want to see you at the hospital on Monday. Take it easy, OK?

My Kid's Favorite Food is Tylenol

As I mentioned yesterday, HumorMD Jr. was a champ when it came to his two month round of shots. Today, I will disclose fully that he had a bit of pharmacological help with this. We didn't want to see him suffer, so we gave him a few doses of Infant Tylenol over the next day or so. There is only one way to describe this stuff. An unbelievable hit. As it turns out, he loves it. He sucked it down like it was the best thing he had ever eaten. I'm even starting to wonder if he didn't cry a few times just so he could get one more serving. Given that his only two foods in life so far have been formula and Tylenol, I would have to say that his current favorite food is Tylenol.

On a similar note, he also has a penchant for oral vaccines. Aside from the needles that he had to endure, some blessed folks in a lab somewhere have made the Rotavirus vaccine into an oral preparation (God bless each and every one of you). According to the pediatric folks, this vaccine typically does not taste very good. Well, HumorMD Jr. didn't get that memo. Mom reports that he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, until he got some Tylenol soon afterwards that is.

As a parent, this is a great sign. Neither his mother nor I were picky eaters, and I was not looking forward to the prospect of having a lot of dinner table battles over vegetables or other traditionally non-kid friendly foods. If my son will suck down a live virus that other kids hate, then I think I should be in the clear. That means that I won't have to break out my original plan, which was to rename every different vegetable as a popular brand of candy. Ask to pass the Sweet Tarts and some squash shows up on your plate. He'd have no choice but to like it, and he would already be used to eating vegetables by the time he was old enough to figure it out. Pure genius.

Shots

HumorMD Jr. experienced a rite of passage last week. He had his two month well check and had to get several vaccinations. Despite his excitement at advancing one step closer to being tetanus and hepatitis free, all of the needles were a bit traumatic for him. To his credit, he took it all like a champ. I was unable to attend because of work (so disappointed…right) but I heard that he only cried for about 30 seconds. What can you say? No health maintenance recommendation can contain him.

For all of you that have advanced beyond your childhood vaccination series, remember that your battle with needles really is never complete. As a primary care provider, I find that there a lot of times when I’m unable to fully address health maintenance with my patients because I am using so much time to address their current health issues. Give your doctor, and more importantly yourself, a hand and ask them to see what vaccinations you may need.

As I mentioned in my recent pneumonia article on Yahoo, the CDC has a great website that will tell you what vaccinations you should be getting. Use it to your benefit. Even if you cry more than HumorMD Jr. when you see needles, it’s time to suck it up and get it over with. If I make a baby as cute as my own son get shots, well then you don’t stand a chance.

No Nap!

I know the concept of kids not wanting to nap isn't new. HumorMD Jr takes this to a new level, as he never fails to do. You see, he has a bit of a problem. Everything in his genetics screams that he should love to sleep. I don't know one member of his family that doesn't enjoy a good nap. However, he is a very curious little fella, and he doesn't like things to happen around him without watching.

This leads to a hilarious daily occurrence where he essentially wakes himself up repeatedly. You will see sleep taking over and his eyelids drooping, and then he goes nuts. He lets out a yelp, waves his arms in the air, and forces his eyes open. He will look around wildly for about five minutes before repeating the entire sequence. When motivated, he can keep this up for a good hour before succumbing to his daily slumber. If I can ever capture it on film, then look for it on America's Funniest Home Videos. We'll be the ones holding the $100,000 check. The problem is that Mom and Dad usually are usually halfway asleep at the time as well. Hopefully, he'll still be doing it once my work schedule calms down.

On other happy notes, it's the weekend. The Saturday schedule in the HumorMD household is totally empty today, and we are eternally grateful. We plan on watching football and just hanging out. Yes, the Tigers are playing at 3:30, and yes, we'll be watching. Hopefully we don't overlook the Wolfpack. All this talk of BCS bowls makes a long time Clemson fan nervous. We've done so well taking care of business this year that "pulling a Clemson" has started to diminish as an everyday phrase on major sports networks. Let's keep it that way.

It's Spiller Time

Today is Friday, so that means we are one day away from college football. As you have gathered from previous posts, HumorMD Jr and I are always excited about that. I’ve previously talked about how much I enjoy watching Tim Tebow play because of the way he plays the game as well as what he stands for off the field. With that said, there is one other person who I follow just as much. We managed to have the NFL Sunday Ticket generously given to us this year (yay TV network disputes), and my wife will tell you that there are two players that I am always going to watch. Tebow and CJ Spiller.

It’s time for full disclosure at this point. I love CJ’s emphasis on his faith off the field, and no one can deny his skills on the field. We also happen to share the same alma mater. My junior and senior year overlapped with his freshman and sophomore years at Clemson. Youtube is full of highlights from those years. It’s safe to say that I’ve never seen a guy with the moves that he’s got. I was there that night that he juked those two Georgia Tech defenders (Clemson fans know exactly what I’m talking about). His speed and quickness is just flat ridiculous. As a side note, my praise for running backs does not come easy as I graduated from high school with one of the best high school running backs to ever play in SC. Some of the local folks may be able to guess who it is.

Off the field, CJ is as classy as it gets. He’s very involved in his church and multiple charities. His other main focus is caring for his daughter. Many athletes spend their first big check on things that don’t matter. Not CJ. After signing his rookie contract, he presented a check for $100,000 to Clemson University. As a young father who is looking for athletes that my son will be able to look up to one day, CJ is at the top of that list.

The icing on the cake is that some people doubted CJ when he came into the NFL. People said he couldn’t be an every down back or carry the load for a team. Well, his performance during this season should go a long way towards answering that. I was excited to see him get a lot of touches during last night’s game against Miami. The results speak for themselves. I’m looking forward to seeing him get even more touches as well take advantage of the increased attention to share what is most important to him, his faith. Keep it up CJ. Clemson is proud of you.

Better Adults

Today’s post is not about medicine or HumorMD Jr. (more to come I promise). I saw something on the news that I wanted to highlight today, as it is a local story here in South Carolina. For those of you that don’t know, the best high school football team in the state this year was Goose Creek High School. They were undefeated and nationally ranked. They had already won their first round playoff match up with Conway and were headed to the next round tomorrow night.

This week, Goose Creek High school officials discovered that a student might be ineligible. He had transferred in this year and had been to several schools in the past few years, making the task of gathering all of his grades a bit onerous. He had appeared to be eligible at first but ultimately was not after getting all of his records. To the credit of Goose Creek High School, they did the right thing. They self reported to the SCHSL (high school sports governing body here in SC). They also applied for a waiver from being disqualified as there was no ill intent and had not gained any competitive advantage. This has been done several times before and has been granted before.

It is here that this story takes a terrible turn. In an amazing display, the SCHSL voted to disqualify Goose Creek from the playoffs. To make matters worse, they actually got a second chance to vote on it and again voted the same way. The SCHSL will not release details, of course, but they state that a “clerical error” is to blame for the player initially being declared eligible.

Really? Is that what the SCHSL is about? A group that is designated to oversee the integrity of high school sports is going to disqualify a team, end the seniors football careers, over a clerical error that gave them no advantage and had nothing to do with the kids? Mentally, I draw a line between blatant cheating and clerical errors. Disqualify them if they were intentionally looking the other way to let star players still be out there, but don’t hand out the same punishment for a paperwork error with no ill intent. There are different levels of punishment in our legal system for a reason. You have to make the crime fit the punishment.

All of this reminds me of a great saying by Coach Bobby Knight. His temper may be famous, but most of the players that played for him swear that nobody cared more about them than him. On the David Letterman show he was asked what he thought about “kids these days” that are too entitled. His answer was spot on. He said, “It’s not a problem with the kids. It’s a problem with the adults.” As adults (thought I am a young one), we are responsible for happens to our kids. South Carolina high school sports does not have a kid problem. It has an adult problem.

Grandparents in a Box

The internet really has revolutionized communication. Not only are you reading this blog right now (thanks!), but you can make video calls to people on the other side of the world. For those of us that have family that live out of town, this is really great. My parents live about 2 hours away. We have regular Skype time where they can check in on HumorMD Jr. and see how he’s doing. It’s much better than the old days where I would have to just mail them pictures so they can watch him grow. The entire Skype concept has created an interesting conundrum however. There is now an entire generation of infants that believe they have relatives living inside a computer.

Think about it from my son’s perspective. Every few days he sees a person waving at him and talking to him on a computer screen. Then, the unthinkable happens one day. That same person walks through the front door. How confusing must this be! HumorMD Jr. is too small to really consider the metaphysical aspects of this right now, but I watch him stare pretty hard at my parents when they come to visit. He’s probably trying to figure out how they escaped from the computer.

I’ve even heard from other parents that older kids will talk about this. “Doesn’t Grandpa live in the computer?” Pretty entertaining. It would be even worse if they don’t come to visit as often as my parents do. Imagine watching Grandpa in the computer for a few years and then having him show up in person one day. The Seahorse would probably have to do some overtime work that day (see previous post).

Infant Hypnosis

The humbling part about medicine is that you usually learn something new every day. New treatments come out nearly every day, and this makes the prospect of keeping up with the times fairly difficult. The current rage of complementary and alternative therapies makes this even more difficult. HumorMD Jr has taken my education to a whole new level, as he always does. I have heard of people getting hypnotized at the fair for fun or even doing it to treat depression and chronic pain. Unbeknownst to me however, hypnosis occurs every day with kids across our great nation. Ladies and gentleman, I give you…the Seahorse.

This is another Mrs. HumorMD discovery in our house. She had seen multiple kids with the Seahorse that loved it and thought we should give it a try. Well my friends, it is pure gold. It isn’t fancy. You press on the belly and music plays while it lights up. I’ve never seen the type of reaction it can generate. My son could be screaming at the top of his lungs. Push the Seahorse’s belly and his fists stop in mid swing when he hears the music. He’ll turn to look at it and will just stare for the duration of the song. As soon as it cuts off, its back to hysteria.

I will admit that it almost made me unconfortable at first. What kind of demon spell is this thing casting on my kid to put him in an other worldly trance? I still haven’t arrived at the answer, but I can tell you that divine is probably a better word than demonic now. It’s amazing how a little experience will change your perspective, right?

Henceforth, we have incorporated the seahorse into our daily routine. Feed him some baby crack (aka milk, see earlier article), put him in the crib around 10, and turn on the Seahorse. It’s like baby Ambien without the nasty morning after grogginess. I highly recommend it to all parents. Just try not to freak out about the transfixed look in your baby’s eyes. It will pass, and the usual chaos will soon commence.

*This isn’t a paid promotion…unfortunately. But, I am open to proposals!*

Toys-R-Us is Scary

We went through Toys-R-Us this weekend to see what might be available for little man for Christmas. We figured we would browse the aisles, come up with ideas, and have fun seeing what toys we played with as kids are actually still around. It turns out going to Toys-R-Us is not nearly that simple. Instead of a nice family outing to a toy store, a more apt description would be an hour long walk through the scene of a horror movie. Let me explain.

I don't really like to shop for starters. I'm the get in and get out type. So, merely walking up and down the aisles looking for ideas sent me into a tailspin after about five minutes. Added on top of that is the complete sensory overload. Toys-R-Us is smart, and they have made it possible to try out nearly every bell and whistle on every toy in the store. This makes for a pretty chaotic environment. The doll aisle sounds like a recital. The toy car aisle sounds like NASCAR. The GI Joe aisle...well, you get the idea. The icing on the cake was the multiple temper tantrums being thrown as other parents attempted to "just look" like we were doing. HumorMD Jr and I had a long discussion about how badly it would go for him if he ever pulled a stunt like that on me in a store (I know older parents...you're laughing at me right now).

Mrs. HumorMD is fairly industrious in these types of situations fortunately. There was a hot item that we needed for another gift, and she had already planned ahead to have it shipped to the store. If I had to go through the warzone, I was at least excited about killing two birds with one stone here. As luck would have it, it had not arrived as promised. Lo and behold however, the item was actually sitting on the shelf. We thought we were home free until we ran into a little problem, Ricki.

Now I know you are wondering who Ricki is right now. I can tell you five facts about Ricki right now:

1. Ricki is now known on a first name basis by every customer in the store with us this weekend
2. Ricki is the manager of this Toys-R-Us
3. Ricki likes to have all decisions run through him
4. Ricki is new
5. Ricki needs help

Ricki informed us that even though we had already paid for the item that had not arrived on time, we could not merely get it from what they already had in stock there on the shelf. Both Mrs. HumorMD and I tried to explain to Ricki that it was certainly in his best interest to let us walk out with the item that we had in effect already paid for. Unfortunately, he didn't see it our way and even informed us that other people were waiting and needed his attention more than us at that very moment (rookie mistake). Mrs. HumorMD and I then accomplished the incredible feat of walking out of the store without an item that both had been paid for and was currently sitting on the store shelves. Mind blowing.

So there you have it. First outing as a parent to a toy store during the holiday season. What a nightmare. I don't mean to be all doom and gloom. We did find a few items for HumorMD Jr. The entire experience did reinforce all of my preconceived notions about shopping however. From now on, I will revert to my trustworthy principle of shopping. Amazon is my friend.

*UPDATE* We have now been contacted by Toys-R-Us to let us know that they are out of the item nationwide. Not sure when they'll get more...and no, I'm not making this stuff up.

Shhh...The Baby is Sleeping

Happy Friday everyone! As all of you parents know, the first few months of baby’s life are filled with milestones. Here at the HumorMD, we had a breakthrough a few nights ago. HumorMD Jr. decided to sleep for more than three hours straight! Of course, this didn’t mean that his parents slept more than three hours straight. We woke up promptly at the three hour mark and spent the new portion of our evening staring at hime. Why might we do this you ask? Well, we just didn’t believe. All of you parents know the feeling. We were confident that he was going to wake up as soon as we tried to doze off again. So, we waited…rookie mistake. We eventually did go back to sleep for a short while before he really woke up, and we had a mini family celebration at his newfound ability to no longer be nocturnal.

In case you’re wondering, we now sleep just fine while the little munchkin snoozes. I feel confident that we will be able to sleep right through him crying in short order (just kidding Mom!). In all seriousness, it’s pretty cool to watch little man progress. He’s starting to figure out a few things, and it’s fun to watch.

Lastly, what would a Friday update be without an outlook for the weekend football games? Really looking forward to a few games. TCU vs. Kansas State will an interesting one. Oregon St. and Stanford is also on my radar. I think that the game of the weekend is Texas A&M vs. Alabama however. The Tide are officially on upset alert. I would not want to play Johnny Manziel if I was this close to going to the SEC championship game. I’ll be pulling for the underdog. Love the spirit at A&M and my grandparents Auburn roots don’t allow for anything less!

Uncle Sam's Definition of Value

With the impending fiscal debate that is headed our way, I thought I’d make a few comments as my chosen profession, medicine, is undergoing a substantial change currently. As you may know, the election of President Obama on Tuesday goes a long way towards making Obamacare a permanent part of American healthcare. Given what has happened to other fields that have become annexed by the government, I have an observation for how Americans place value on goods and services. In short, you want to be deemed important…but not too important.

Let’s look at some examples here. Lebron James makes millions of dollars. He’s an excellent basketball player who entertains people across the globe. Let me be clear, I have no qualms with him getting paid. He is the best in the world at what he does, and people enjoy it. Watching Lebron play is important to people, but it’s not important enough for the government to care much about it. Hence, Lebron makes money.

A more everyday example would be Facebook. More than a billion people use this. Their stock price may not be that great currently, but they have changed the landscape of how people relate to each other. Again, it would be tough to argue that Facebook isn’t important. But it’s not too important. You could live without it if you had to. Therefore, they get paid in a big way.

And then, there are some different examples. Let’s say you want to spend your life educating the future Facebook founders. What would Mark Zuckerberg be without his kindergarten teacher that taught him to tie his shoes? Can you imagine a CEO wearing Velcro sneakers? Not cool. We all recognize the importance of this. We recognize it so much that the government has decided to run the whole deal and make sure it is done right (cue laughter). Lo and behold, teachers are vastly underpaid.

The same could be said for countless other professions. Firefighters, police officers, EMT’s all do some of the most vital work to sustain our communities, and they don’t get paid enough. Physicians have been screaming for years that we are under appreciated and very important. Well, the government has turned around and said, “You know what? You’re right!” The caveat of course is that this is not said like a proud father to a son, but it’s more like a cat grinning at the mouse that is about to be lunch. We are getting taken over ladies and gents, and we know where this goes.

I want to be clear about one thing while saying all of this. No government regulations will affect my ability to care for patients. I went into medicine becauseI enjoy it, not because I thought I would get filthy rich from it. Additionally, I think that doctors still get paid good salaries minus the ridiculous amount of student loan debt we are forced to take on. This entire post is designed to question our
principles as a country. What does it say about us when we don’t pay the people that do the most important work? I don’t like looking in the mirror at that question right now, and neither should you.

Election Day

It’s election day here in the good ole’ USA. You are hearing the get
out and vote pleas from everyone on your Facebook wall, so I won’t
hound you on here as well. One thing I have noticed with Facebook is
that it seems the trendy rhetorical device is to simply type your
opinion in all caps as a means of justifying it. Had no idea that
merely increasing your font size was a way of implying sound logic.
Regardless, I enjoy seeing everyone involved. There seem to be two
distinct camps that I have noticed so far.

The first are the people that are pretending like they don’t care who
you vote for. You see the pictures of “I voted” stickers, etc. but no
candidate mentioned. These people will not post who they voted for if
their lives depended on it. They may drop hints that are so obvious a
blind man could read it, but they won’t come out with it. This could
be because they have had a bad experience doing so before, or they
think this should be a “personal” decision. If I had time, I would go
around writing statements underneath their posts trying to bait them
into tipping their hand. It would be fun to see just how far they will
go to not really give their opinion.

The second camp are those that tell you who they vote for in a
heartbeat. They are passing out stickers underneath public restroom
stalls because they have realized there is no more captive audience
than a person on a commode. These are the people that get defriended a
lot during election season. Nothing personal usually. Some people just
like to have a little variety on their newsfeed other than politics.

Personally, I usually fall into the first camp. I think this has been
somewhat of a mistake. I do not advocate repeatedly campaigning for a
candidate on your friend’s Facebook walls. However, social media was
created so that we can connect better…so let’s connect. I would tell
you who I voted for, but I vastly misjudged the wait time at my local
precinct this morning and had to leave the line after waiting an hour
and a half. Don’t worry all of you democratic attack dogs, I am going
back after work. When I do, I’ll be casting my vote for Mr. Romney.
Feels good to say it out loud. Honesty really is a great thing, except
when you’re too honest of course…topic for another day. Enjoy the day
everyone, and try to get enough sleep so that you’re not worthless
tomorrow. Your boss doesn’t care who the President is!

My Kid is Crying...Pump His Jam!

I'm going to delve outside of my realm as a doctor for adults a bit here. Dealing with a crying baby is a universal problem for parents. Pediatricians and other parents have all sorts of suggestions they throw out (very few of which are evidence based by the way). I have no new revelations today. Just something fun that I have noticed with HumorMD Jr.

Like many babies, HumorMD Jr. likes music. One of his favorite pastimes is laying on his playmat, swatting at overhanging objects, and listening to some tunes. At first, we went straight to the children's music. Baby Einstein and the Children's Worship station on Pandora are some of his favorites. I discovered something a few days ago, however. My son, at the ripe old age of 7 weeks, has developed musical taste.

We had reached a point where playing music calmed him some, but he still wouldn't quite settle down. I decided to up the ante a bit. I turned on the Youtube video of Little Big Town performing "Pontoon" at this year's CMA awards (great performance by the way). Immediate silence. He even looked towards the screen the entire time it played. We haven't explored any other musical genres yet, but I'm interested to see what the little man prefers.

This little discovery of mine confirms something I have long thought. If you think that some children's item is annoying, well...your kid might think so too. Don't let your child cry while Barney sings the ABC's if you could simply turn on the radio and have a family jam session. As a parting thought, this has serious potential for reality television. How about replacing the judges on the The Voice with a group of babies? The person that makes the least babies cry wins. It'll be a scream.

Cough, Colds, and Chaos Saturday

There are a lot of big match-ups in college football today. HumorMD Jr. is a bit upset about the timing of all of them. The four games that he wants to watch are all scheduled within an hour of each other. What can I say major network producers? I'm not mad, just disappointed (cue maternal shake of the head). Regardless of the poor planning, tonight could either clarify the national championship race or set off an atomic bomb in the college football world. I'm hoping for the latter.

Here in our house, Chaos Saturday has a whole different meaning. HumorMD Jr. is right on the border between bottle sizes. We tried out the bigger one today, and his eyes were a bit bigger than his stomach. Overall he did well, but he did manage to give Dad a formula shower a few times. Not a big deal as far as I'm concerned. I've already written about the showers that the other end of his gastrointestinal tract can produce. I'll take this end any day of the week.

On the medical front, I've been doing some work for Yahoo recently. There have been many coughs and colds coming into the clinic with the weather getting cooler. To that end, I wrote up some educational material on antibiotics and sore throats that you can find here. For those that have been struck by a viral pharyngitis, here are a few things to try for symptomatic relief:

• honey tea
• salt gargles
• Halls lozenges
• Chloraseptic spray
• Mucinex (if you have a lot of junk running down your throat)
• Fluids

That is the list I usually give out to my patients. Nothing is a magic bullet, but it should help some. Time is your best friend. Try not to scream at the TV when your team loses tonight as well. Nothing like a little laryngeal irritation to go with your pharyngitis!