Weaponized Baby Spit Up

Mrs. HumorMD and I took HumorMD Jr to go see some holiday lights this past weekend at the James Island County Festival of Lights. For those local to the Lowcountry of South Carolina, it’s a great display, and we were excited about taking him for his first trip. HumorMD Jr had a different opinion about all this. As soon as our car passed through the gate, he decided it was time to turn in for the evening.

Being the seasoned parents that we now are (*cue laughter*), we weren’t very concerned about this. We figured he would surely wake up when we got out of the car. Since it was chilly out, we put on his winter outfit and hat to keep him snug. There was only one problem with this. Ever since birth, HumorMD Jr has hated to be swaddled, snuggled, or confined in any way. You can imagine what happened after we put on all his winter garb. He squirmed for a good thirty minutes.

We continued on our merry way figuring that he would eventually get over it. He did ultimately settle down, and I thought that all was clear. HumorMD Jr had a different plan it turns out. I was holding little man as we walked through the parking lot back to our car, and he started to kick me in the ribs. I gave him my best stern look and told him to hold still. HumorMD Jr gave me a look back I had never seen before and started to gag.

Now all of you know what’s coming at this point. Poor Dad just couldn’t move fast enough to avoid it. After a few more gags, HumorMD Jr proceeded to spit up right down the front of my jacket. To top of his performance, the little stinker that had been miserable all evening had the biggest grin on his face you can imagine afterwards.

Naturally, Mrs. HumorMD thought the entire thing was hilarious, and she began to clean him up. Dad had to wait to get cleaned up until HumorMD Jr was spotless of course. Not only did he spit up on me out of spite, but he even got cleaned up before I did! There isn’t much that is more humbling than standing in the cold with baby spit up on your jacket as families walk by and stare at you. I learned two important lessons. One, always let Mrs. HumorMD carry him when he’s mad, and two, never put baby in a corner.