Getting a Good Night's Sleep

Sleeping through the night is the holy grail of new parenthood. HumorMD Jr had been faithfully rising every 3-4 hours through the night for his bottle until last week. We had a typical new parent moment when we both awoke around 3AM and panicked. Why you might ask? Well, the baby was still sleeping. We thought that something surely must be wrong. How exhausted must he be to sleep more than 4 hours straight? Was he sick? Did the physicians miss their own child’s illness?

We entertained all of these thoughts and even considered waking him up just to make sure he was OK. Then, we recovered our wits and decided to just be thankful. He was fine, of course, and he awoke about an hour later ready for his bottle. Since then, he now goes anywhere between 5-8 hours straight sleeping. At only ten weeks old, that is amazing, and it again reinforces my belief that he is one awesome baby.

If I can though, I will try to make a serious point here at the end of the week. In the midst of our unnecessary parental anxiety, HumorMD Jr slept soundly. He also sleeps soundly through things like thunderstorms, vacuum cleaners, and ambulances coming through the neighborhood at 5:30 AM (true story). Why does he sleep so well? In a word, faith. HumorMD Jr knows his parents will take care of him. He KNOWS it. In his ten weeks on this earth, we have provided for his every need. He has no reason to doubt us.

If my child can fully rely on a dad that dropped his cell phone on him (again, true story), then how much more should we rely on God. Creator of the universe is a much better qualification than anything I’ve got to offer. Matthew 6 25:34 is a great passage for this. I’ll give you the punchline via verse 26:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

As this week full of its own troubles ends and a new one looms in a few days, remember that there is someone who is far more capable of handling your problems than you are. If HumorMD Jr can trust his bumbling Dad enough to sleep through the night, then why can’t you trust the all powerful God to handle your problems?

Weaponized Baby Spit Up

Mrs. HumorMD and I took HumorMD Jr to go see some holiday lights this past weekend at the James Island County Festival of Lights. For those local to the Lowcountry of South Carolina, it’s a great display, and we were excited about taking him for his first trip. HumorMD Jr had a different opinion about all this. As soon as our car passed through the gate, he decided it was time to turn in for the evening.

Being the seasoned parents that we now are (*cue laughter*), we weren’t very concerned about this. We figured he would surely wake up when we got out of the car. Since it was chilly out, we put on his winter outfit and hat to keep him snug. There was only one problem with this. Ever since birth, HumorMD Jr has hated to be swaddled, snuggled, or confined in any way. You can imagine what happened after we put on all his winter garb. He squirmed for a good thirty minutes.

We continued on our merry way figuring that he would eventually get over it. He did ultimately settle down, and I thought that all was clear. HumorMD Jr had a different plan it turns out. I was holding little man as we walked through the parking lot back to our car, and he started to kick me in the ribs. I gave him my best stern look and told him to hold still. HumorMD Jr gave me a look back I had never seen before and started to gag.

Now all of you know what’s coming at this point. Poor Dad just couldn’t move fast enough to avoid it. After a few more gags, HumorMD Jr proceeded to spit up right down the front of my jacket. To top of his performance, the little stinker that had been miserable all evening had the biggest grin on his face you can imagine afterwards.

Naturally, Mrs. HumorMD thought the entire thing was hilarious, and she began to clean him up. Dad had to wait to get cleaned up until HumorMD Jr was spotless of course. Not only did he spit up on me out of spite, but he even got cleaned up before I did! There isn’t much that is more humbling than standing in the cold with baby spit up on your jacket as families walk by and stare at you. I learned two important lessons. One, always let Mrs. HumorMD carry him when he’s mad, and two, never put baby in a corner.

Black Friday Pictures, Part 2

Happy Wednesday everyone. Today is the second in our two part series on pictures from my brief shopping outing on Black Friday. Today's categories include future professions and bodily functions. Enjoy!

Future Professions

Those of you that are observant will notice the haircut on this child. Any that thought the mullett was out of style in 2012 are clearly mistaken. This is just plain awesome. HumorMD Jr. has a rocker hair spike himself. As far as this child's future, the only possible appropriate destinations are professional wrestler, rock star, or working at the fair. Anything less would be a disappointment.

This child is a future football referee. No predictions can be made on whether college or pro. It's simply too early to make rash predictions like that. Those with a darker outlook may say that this child is surrending and destined for jail. HumorMD Jr and I don't subscribe to such grim notions. Keeping a positive outlook is always a must.

This picture is the most clear of all. The young man here is destined to be a judge. He seems to be already presiding over his high chair. Give this kid a robe and gavel, and he can start handing out sentences now.

Bodily Functions

Any parent would recognize this face. HumorMD Jr. does it about once to twice daily. In the midst of this child's photo shoot, he has done that which occurs daily in most folks. This child has pooped.

There you have it folks. That's all that I have from my little outing. Hope you enjoyed this little series as much as I did writing. For the record, Mrs. HumorMD most definitely did not enjoy me snapping pictures in the store as we walked around. Fortunately, this is neither the first nor the last time that I will embarrass her in public. Love you honey!

Black Friday Pictures

Some of you were crazy enough to go out early morning shopping Black Friday. This guy was not one of them. HumorMD Jr and I hung out at the house while Mrs. HumorMD went in search of deals. We did manage to venture out as a family on Black Friday evening to browse the aisles of Babies-R-Us. First, you need to understand that I am not a big shopper. I like to get in and get out. Consequently, "just browsing" usually means I start to go stir crazy within ten minutes.

This particular trip was no exception. As my eye wondered around the store, I started to notice something that was a bit disturbing. Nearly every item had a picture of a child on the box using the product, and every child looked completely weird. Fortunately I had my iPhone with me and decided to snap some pictures. There were so many that we will make this a two-day series. With that in mind, I now present pictures from the Black Friday shopping excursion of 2012:

Psychiatric Emergencies

This child is clearly demon possessed. What child smiles that wide spontaneously, especially when standing bare foot on a cold metal musical instrument? I forsee exorcism in this kid’s future.

These kids are trapped in a pen and both looking at something in between them that clearly isn’t actually there. The adult looking on thinks its funny! Two phone calls are in order here. Social Services and the closest pediatric psych ward.

Questionable Parent Decisions

Usually, parents use gates to keep their kids nearby while separating them from potentially dangerous items or pets. This mom has taken the opposite approach. She has used the gate to separate the child from her while keeping the dog nearby. Don’t want to be this kid if a fire breaks out and she only has time to grab one thing. That dog is going to win.

I think that’s enough for one day. Future professions and bodily functions will be the categories of the day tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Post Thanksgiving Chicken Beating

Today is the one Saturday during the year where even PETA knows that it is OK to beat chickens. That's right my friends. Today is Clemson vs. Carolina. HumorMD Jr and I will be spending the morning perusing the rest of the college football world until the 7 PM kickoff. I am excited for this game given the BCS bowl implications for my Tigers. Should be a hard fought contest, and I think Clemson should be able to pull it out.

As I've indicated before, I am all for chaos in the college football world. I'm a large proponent of a playoff system and not just a 4 team playoff. Accordingly, I will be pulling for the real USC to upset Notre Dame. The Golden Domers have a good team this year, as well as a QB from South Carolina. However, today requires them to lose for the good of college football. What can I say? Sometimes sacrifice is required.

We are also preparing for the transition from HumorMD Jr's first football season to his first basketball season. Basketball was the first sport that I really loved, so I'm looking forward to showing him the ins and outs of my first sports love. Hopefully, his athletic skills will surpass mine and allow him to be more than a simple spot up jump shooter like his old man. Early observations so far show that Clemson is playing well given their youth. Really like Brad Brownell and his style of play. Tough defense combined with motion offense. I couldn't ask for anything more, and a few good recruiting classes could result in some very impressive results. Outside of my alma mater, Duke has looked impressive so far, and NC State has all the tools to make a deep run. If State can actually beat everyone they're supposed to (traditionally difficult for them), then they will be in great shape.

Hope everyone enjoys your post Thanksgiving weekend and go Tigers!

The Baby is Coming! The Baby is Coming!

There are a whole host of ways that all of you use to get the word out about events you’re planning. Facebook, Twitter, mailed invitations, and emails are just a few. For those of us that are new parents, we have no use for any of these. While the rest of you are meticulously compiling your invitation lists and filling out cards, we take the easy road. Whenever I need to gather I crowd, I call up a family member or friend and tell them when and where HumorMD Jr. will be on a particular evening. The results are stunning. News like the latitude and longitude of an infant spreads like wildfire. Before you know it, you are turning away Grandma at the door because the fire marshal has shown up to your home.

An excellent example of this happened this past weekend (we  won't even talk about Thanksgiving yesterday). After church, we took little man over to his in-laws to hang out for awhile. A family member called to see if he was there, and I kept track of what happened next. After hanging up on that call, there were no fewer than eight cars at the house within one hour. Cars were parked on the side of a major road near the house. Some people starting waving palm leaves given our upcoming holiday season (made that part up).

Hopefully this gives you some idea of the celebrity status a newborn experiences. We are working on a business plan to help HumorMD Jr. monetize this and contribute to his college fund. We’ll call it Infantations. Instead of mailing all those invites, we’ll just tell all of your guests that a group of 10 babies will be present at the time and location of your event. No hassle. No fuss. 100% attendance guaranteed. Just make sure you don’t run out of food. HumorMD Jr. doesn’t like to be associated with low class events like that.

Gobble! Gobble!

Short post today as all of you should be spending time with family and friends! Many things to be thankful this year including a great wife, great family, great friends, employment, and of course,  HumorMD Jr. The little man obviously won’t really know today is different than other days as there is no such thing as turkey flavored formula. He’ll be happy to see his grandparents though, especially the ones that live in a box. Hope all of you enjoy the day and no one gets killed on Black Friday. You can avoid the risk of injury or death by shopping in the HumorMD Amazon store at home in your PJ's. That camping out at Best Buy thing is for the birds anyway.

P.S. For those of you with heart failure or other conditions that require you to watch your sodium intake, I don’t want to see you at the hospital on Monday. Take it easy, OK?

My Kid's Favorite Food is Tylenol

As I mentioned yesterday, HumorMD Jr. was a champ when it came to his two month round of shots. Today, I will disclose fully that he had a bit of pharmacological help with this. We didn't want to see him suffer, so we gave him a few doses of Infant Tylenol over the next day or so. There is only one way to describe this stuff. An unbelievable hit. As it turns out, he loves it. He sucked it down like it was the best thing he had ever eaten. I'm even starting to wonder if he didn't cry a few times just so he could get one more serving. Given that his only two foods in life so far have been formula and Tylenol, I would have to say that his current favorite food is Tylenol.

On a similar note, he also has a penchant for oral vaccines. Aside from the needles that he had to endure, some blessed folks in a lab somewhere have made the Rotavirus vaccine into an oral preparation (God bless each and every one of you). According to the pediatric folks, this vaccine typically does not taste very good. Well, HumorMD Jr. didn't get that memo. Mom reports that he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, until he got some Tylenol soon afterwards that is.

As a parent, this is a great sign. Neither his mother nor I were picky eaters, and I was not looking forward to the prospect of having a lot of dinner table battles over vegetables or other traditionally non-kid friendly foods. If my son will suck down a live virus that other kids hate, then I think I should be in the clear. That means that I won't have to break out my original plan, which was to rename every different vegetable as a popular brand of candy. Ask to pass the Sweet Tarts and some squash shows up on your plate. He'd have no choice but to like it, and he would already be used to eating vegetables by the time he was old enough to figure it out. Pure genius.

Shots

HumorMD Jr. experienced a rite of passage last week. He had his two month well check and had to get several vaccinations. Despite his excitement at advancing one step closer to being tetanus and hepatitis free, all of the needles were a bit traumatic for him. To his credit, he took it all like a champ. I was unable to attend because of work (so disappointed…right) but I heard that he only cried for about 30 seconds. What can you say? No health maintenance recommendation can contain him.

For all of you that have advanced beyond your childhood vaccination series, remember that your battle with needles really is never complete. As a primary care provider, I find that there a lot of times when I’m unable to fully address health maintenance with my patients because I am using so much time to address their current health issues. Give your doctor, and more importantly yourself, a hand and ask them to see what vaccinations you may need.

As I mentioned in my recent pneumonia article on Yahoo, the CDC has a great website that will tell you what vaccinations you should be getting. Use it to your benefit. Even if you cry more than HumorMD Jr. when you see needles, it’s time to suck it up and get it over with. If I make a baby as cute as my own son get shots, well then you don’t stand a chance.

No Nap!

I know the concept of kids not wanting to nap isn't new. HumorMD Jr takes this to a new level, as he never fails to do. You see, he has a bit of a problem. Everything in his genetics screams that he should love to sleep. I don't know one member of his family that doesn't enjoy a good nap. However, he is a very curious little fella, and he doesn't like things to happen around him without watching.

This leads to a hilarious daily occurrence where he essentially wakes himself up repeatedly. You will see sleep taking over and his eyelids drooping, and then he goes nuts. He lets out a yelp, waves his arms in the air, and forces his eyes open. He will look around wildly for about five minutes before repeating the entire sequence. When motivated, he can keep this up for a good hour before succumbing to his daily slumber. If I can ever capture it on film, then look for it on America's Funniest Home Videos. We'll be the ones holding the $100,000 check. The problem is that Mom and Dad usually are usually halfway asleep at the time as well. Hopefully, he'll still be doing it once my work schedule calms down.

On other happy notes, it's the weekend. The Saturday schedule in the HumorMD household is totally empty today, and we are eternally grateful. We plan on watching football and just hanging out. Yes, the Tigers are playing at 3:30, and yes, we'll be watching. Hopefully we don't overlook the Wolfpack. All this talk of BCS bowls makes a long time Clemson fan nervous. We've done so well taking care of business this year that "pulling a Clemson" has started to diminish as an everyday phrase on major sports networks. Let's keep it that way.

It's Spiller Time

Today is Friday, so that means we are one day away from college football. As you have gathered from previous posts, HumorMD Jr and I are always excited about that. I’ve previously talked about how much I enjoy watching Tim Tebow play because of the way he plays the game as well as what he stands for off the field. With that said, there is one other person who I follow just as much. We managed to have the NFL Sunday Ticket generously given to us this year (yay TV network disputes), and my wife will tell you that there are two players that I am always going to watch. Tebow and CJ Spiller.

It’s time for full disclosure at this point. I love CJ’s emphasis on his faith off the field, and no one can deny his skills on the field. We also happen to share the same alma mater. My junior and senior year overlapped with his freshman and sophomore years at Clemson. Youtube is full of highlights from those years. It’s safe to say that I’ve never seen a guy with the moves that he’s got. I was there that night that he juked those two Georgia Tech defenders (Clemson fans know exactly what I’m talking about). His speed and quickness is just flat ridiculous. As a side note, my praise for running backs does not come easy as I graduated from high school with one of the best high school running backs to ever play in SC. Some of the local folks may be able to guess who it is.

Off the field, CJ is as classy as it gets. He’s very involved in his church and multiple charities. His other main focus is caring for his daughter. Many athletes spend their first big check on things that don’t matter. Not CJ. After signing his rookie contract, he presented a check for $100,000 to Clemson University. As a young father who is looking for athletes that my son will be able to look up to one day, CJ is at the top of that list.

The icing on the cake is that some people doubted CJ when he came into the NFL. People said he couldn’t be an every down back or carry the load for a team. Well, his performance during this season should go a long way towards answering that. I was excited to see him get a lot of touches during last night’s game against Miami. The results speak for themselves. I’m looking forward to seeing him get even more touches as well take advantage of the increased attention to share what is most important to him, his faith. Keep it up CJ. Clemson is proud of you.

Better Adults

Today’s post is not about medicine or HumorMD Jr. (more to come I promise). I saw something on the news that I wanted to highlight today, as it is a local story here in South Carolina. For those of you that don’t know, the best high school football team in the state this year was Goose Creek High School. They were undefeated and nationally ranked. They had already won their first round playoff match up with Conway and were headed to the next round tomorrow night.

This week, Goose Creek High school officials discovered that a student might be ineligible. He had transferred in this year and had been to several schools in the past few years, making the task of gathering all of his grades a bit onerous. He had appeared to be eligible at first but ultimately was not after getting all of his records. To the credit of Goose Creek High School, they did the right thing. They self reported to the SCHSL (high school sports governing body here in SC). They also applied for a waiver from being disqualified as there was no ill intent and had not gained any competitive advantage. This has been done several times before and has been granted before.

It is here that this story takes a terrible turn. In an amazing display, the SCHSL voted to disqualify Goose Creek from the playoffs. To make matters worse, they actually got a second chance to vote on it and again voted the same way. The SCHSL will not release details, of course, but they state that a “clerical error” is to blame for the player initially being declared eligible.

Really? Is that what the SCHSL is about? A group that is designated to oversee the integrity of high school sports is going to disqualify a team, end the seniors football careers, over a clerical error that gave them no advantage and had nothing to do with the kids? Mentally, I draw a line between blatant cheating and clerical errors. Disqualify them if they were intentionally looking the other way to let star players still be out there, but don’t hand out the same punishment for a paperwork error with no ill intent. There are different levels of punishment in our legal system for a reason. You have to make the crime fit the punishment.

All of this reminds me of a great saying by Coach Bobby Knight. His temper may be famous, but most of the players that played for him swear that nobody cared more about them than him. On the David Letterman show he was asked what he thought about “kids these days” that are too entitled. His answer was spot on. He said, “It’s not a problem with the kids. It’s a problem with the adults.” As adults (thought I am a young one), we are responsible for happens to our kids. South Carolina high school sports does not have a kid problem. It has an adult problem.

Grandparents in a Box

The internet really has revolutionized communication. Not only are you reading this blog right now (thanks!), but you can make video calls to people on the other side of the world. For those of us that have family that live out of town, this is really great. My parents live about 2 hours away. We have regular Skype time where they can check in on HumorMD Jr. and see how he’s doing. It’s much better than the old days where I would have to just mail them pictures so they can watch him grow. The entire Skype concept has created an interesting conundrum however. There is now an entire generation of infants that believe they have relatives living inside a computer.

Think about it from my son’s perspective. Every few days he sees a person waving at him and talking to him on a computer screen. Then, the unthinkable happens one day. That same person walks through the front door. How confusing must this be! HumorMD Jr. is too small to really consider the metaphysical aspects of this right now, but I watch him stare pretty hard at my parents when they come to visit. He’s probably trying to figure out how they escaped from the computer.

I’ve even heard from other parents that older kids will talk about this. “Doesn’t Grandpa live in the computer?” Pretty entertaining. It would be even worse if they don’t come to visit as often as my parents do. Imagine watching Grandpa in the computer for a few years and then having him show up in person one day. The Seahorse would probably have to do some overtime work that day (see previous post).

Infant Hypnosis

The humbling part about medicine is that you usually learn something new every day. New treatments come out nearly every day, and this makes the prospect of keeping up with the times fairly difficult. The current rage of complementary and alternative therapies makes this even more difficult. HumorMD Jr has taken my education to a whole new level, as he always does. I have heard of people getting hypnotized at the fair for fun or even doing it to treat depression and chronic pain. Unbeknownst to me however, hypnosis occurs every day with kids across our great nation. Ladies and gentleman, I give you…the Seahorse.

This is another Mrs. HumorMD discovery in our house. She had seen multiple kids with the Seahorse that loved it and thought we should give it a try. Well my friends, it is pure gold. It isn’t fancy. You press on the belly and music plays while it lights up. I’ve never seen the type of reaction it can generate. My son could be screaming at the top of his lungs. Push the Seahorse’s belly and his fists stop in mid swing when he hears the music. He’ll turn to look at it and will just stare for the duration of the song. As soon as it cuts off, its back to hysteria.

I will admit that it almost made me unconfortable at first. What kind of demon spell is this thing casting on my kid to put him in an other worldly trance? I still haven’t arrived at the answer, but I can tell you that divine is probably a better word than demonic now. It’s amazing how a little experience will change your perspective, right?

Henceforth, we have incorporated the seahorse into our daily routine. Feed him some baby crack (aka milk, see earlier article), put him in the crib around 10, and turn on the Seahorse. It’s like baby Ambien without the nasty morning after grogginess. I highly recommend it to all parents. Just try not to freak out about the transfixed look in your baby’s eyes. It will pass, and the usual chaos will soon commence.

*This isn’t a paid promotion…unfortunately. But, I am open to proposals!*

Toys-R-Us is Scary

We went through Toys-R-Us this weekend to see what might be available for little man for Christmas. We figured we would browse the aisles, come up with ideas, and have fun seeing what toys we played with as kids are actually still around. It turns out going to Toys-R-Us is not nearly that simple. Instead of a nice family outing to a toy store, a more apt description would be an hour long walk through the scene of a horror movie. Let me explain.

I don't really like to shop for starters. I'm the get in and get out type. So, merely walking up and down the aisles looking for ideas sent me into a tailspin after about five minutes. Added on top of that is the complete sensory overload. Toys-R-Us is smart, and they have made it possible to try out nearly every bell and whistle on every toy in the store. This makes for a pretty chaotic environment. The doll aisle sounds like a recital. The toy car aisle sounds like NASCAR. The GI Joe aisle...well, you get the idea. The icing on the cake was the multiple temper tantrums being thrown as other parents attempted to "just look" like we were doing. HumorMD Jr and I had a long discussion about how badly it would go for him if he ever pulled a stunt like that on me in a store (I know older parents...you're laughing at me right now).

Mrs. HumorMD is fairly industrious in these types of situations fortunately. There was a hot item that we needed for another gift, and she had already planned ahead to have it shipped to the store. If I had to go through the warzone, I was at least excited about killing two birds with one stone here. As luck would have it, it had not arrived as promised. Lo and behold however, the item was actually sitting on the shelf. We thought we were home free until we ran into a little problem, Ricki.

Now I know you are wondering who Ricki is right now. I can tell you five facts about Ricki right now:

1. Ricki is now known on a first name basis by every customer in the store with us this weekend
2. Ricki is the manager of this Toys-R-Us
3. Ricki likes to have all decisions run through him
4. Ricki is new
5. Ricki needs help

Ricki informed us that even though we had already paid for the item that had not arrived on time, we could not merely get it from what they already had in stock there on the shelf. Both Mrs. HumorMD and I tried to explain to Ricki that it was certainly in his best interest to let us walk out with the item that we had in effect already paid for. Unfortunately, he didn't see it our way and even informed us that other people were waiting and needed his attention more than us at that very moment (rookie mistake). Mrs. HumorMD and I then accomplished the incredible feat of walking out of the store without an item that both had been paid for and was currently sitting on the store shelves. Mind blowing.

So there you have it. First outing as a parent to a toy store during the holiday season. What a nightmare. I don't mean to be all doom and gloom. We did find a few items for HumorMD Jr. The entire experience did reinforce all of my preconceived notions about shopping however. From now on, I will revert to my trustworthy principle of shopping. Amazon is my friend.

*UPDATE* We have now been contacted by Toys-R-Us to let us know that they are out of the item nationwide. Not sure when they'll get more...and no, I'm not making this stuff up.

Shhh...The Baby is Sleeping

Happy Friday everyone! As all of you parents know, the first few months of baby’s life are filled with milestones. Here at the HumorMD, we had a breakthrough a few nights ago. HumorMD Jr. decided to sleep for more than three hours straight! Of course, this didn’t mean that his parents slept more than three hours straight. We woke up promptly at the three hour mark and spent the new portion of our evening staring at hime. Why might we do this you ask? Well, we just didn’t believe. All of you parents know the feeling. We were confident that he was going to wake up as soon as we tried to doze off again. So, we waited…rookie mistake. We eventually did go back to sleep for a short while before he really woke up, and we had a mini family celebration at his newfound ability to no longer be nocturnal.

In case you’re wondering, we now sleep just fine while the little munchkin snoozes. I feel confident that we will be able to sleep right through him crying in short order (just kidding Mom!). In all seriousness, it’s pretty cool to watch little man progress. He’s starting to figure out a few things, and it’s fun to watch.

Lastly, what would a Friday update be without an outlook for the weekend football games? Really looking forward to a few games. TCU vs. Kansas State will an interesting one. Oregon St. and Stanford is also on my radar. I think that the game of the weekend is Texas A&M vs. Alabama however. The Tide are officially on upset alert. I would not want to play Johnny Manziel if I was this close to going to the SEC championship game. I’ll be pulling for the underdog. Love the spirit at A&M and my grandparents Auburn roots don’t allow for anything less!

Uncle Sam's Definition of Value

With the impending fiscal debate that is headed our way, I thought I’d make a few comments as my chosen profession, medicine, is undergoing a substantial change currently. As you may know, the election of President Obama on Tuesday goes a long way towards making Obamacare a permanent part of American healthcare. Given what has happened to other fields that have become annexed by the government, I have an observation for how Americans place value on goods and services. In short, you want to be deemed important…but not too important.

Let’s look at some examples here. Lebron James makes millions of dollars. He’s an excellent basketball player who entertains people across the globe. Let me be clear, I have no qualms with him getting paid. He is the best in the world at what he does, and people enjoy it. Watching Lebron play is important to people, but it’s not important enough for the government to care much about it. Hence, Lebron makes money.

A more everyday example would be Facebook. More than a billion people use this. Their stock price may not be that great currently, but they have changed the landscape of how people relate to each other. Again, it would be tough to argue that Facebook isn’t important. But it’s not too important. You could live without it if you had to. Therefore, they get paid in a big way.

And then, there are some different examples. Let’s say you want to spend your life educating the future Facebook founders. What would Mark Zuckerberg be without his kindergarten teacher that taught him to tie his shoes? Can you imagine a CEO wearing Velcro sneakers? Not cool. We all recognize the importance of this. We recognize it so much that the government has decided to run the whole deal and make sure it is done right (cue laughter). Lo and behold, teachers are vastly underpaid.

The same could be said for countless other professions. Firefighters, police officers, EMT’s all do some of the most vital work to sustain our communities, and they don’t get paid enough. Physicians have been screaming for years that we are under appreciated and very important. Well, the government has turned around and said, “You know what? You’re right!” The caveat of course is that this is not said like a proud father to a son, but it’s more like a cat grinning at the mouse that is about to be lunch. We are getting taken over ladies and gents, and we know where this goes.

I want to be clear about one thing while saying all of this. No government regulations will affect my ability to care for patients. I went into medicine becauseI enjoy it, not because I thought I would get filthy rich from it. Additionally, I think that doctors still get paid good salaries minus the ridiculous amount of student loan debt we are forced to take on. This entire post is designed to question our
principles as a country. What does it say about us when we don’t pay the people that do the most important work? I don’t like looking in the mirror at that question right now, and neither should you.

Election Day

It’s election day here in the good ole’ USA. You are hearing the get
out and vote pleas from everyone on your Facebook wall, so I won’t
hound you on here as well. One thing I have noticed with Facebook is
that it seems the trendy rhetorical device is to simply type your
opinion in all caps as a means of justifying it. Had no idea that
merely increasing your font size was a way of implying sound logic.
Regardless, I enjoy seeing everyone involved. There seem to be two
distinct camps that I have noticed so far.

The first are the people that are pretending like they don’t care who
you vote for. You see the pictures of “I voted” stickers, etc. but no
candidate mentioned. These people will not post who they voted for if
their lives depended on it. They may drop hints that are so obvious a
blind man could read it, but they won’t come out with it. This could
be because they have had a bad experience doing so before, or they
think this should be a “personal” decision. If I had time, I would go
around writing statements underneath their posts trying to bait them
into tipping their hand. It would be fun to see just how far they will
go to not really give their opinion.

The second camp are those that tell you who they vote for in a
heartbeat. They are passing out stickers underneath public restroom
stalls because they have realized there is no more captive audience
than a person on a commode. These are the people that get defriended a
lot during election season. Nothing personal usually. Some people just
like to have a little variety on their newsfeed other than politics.

Personally, I usually fall into the first camp. I think this has been
somewhat of a mistake. I do not advocate repeatedly campaigning for a
candidate on your friend’s Facebook walls. However, social media was
created so that we can connect better…so let’s connect. I would tell
you who I voted for, but I vastly misjudged the wait time at my local
precinct this morning and had to leave the line after waiting an hour
and a half. Don’t worry all of you democratic attack dogs, I am going
back after work. When I do, I’ll be casting my vote for Mr. Romney.
Feels good to say it out loud. Honesty really is a great thing, except
when you’re too honest of course…topic for another day. Enjoy the day
everyone, and try to get enough sleep so that you’re not worthless
tomorrow. Your boss doesn’t care who the President is!

My Kid is Crying...Pump His Jam!

I'm going to delve outside of my realm as a doctor for adults a bit here. Dealing with a crying baby is a universal problem for parents. Pediatricians and other parents have all sorts of suggestions they throw out (very few of which are evidence based by the way). I have no new revelations today. Just something fun that I have noticed with HumorMD Jr.

Like many babies, HumorMD Jr. likes music. One of his favorite pastimes is laying on his playmat, swatting at overhanging objects, and listening to some tunes. At first, we went straight to the children's music. Baby Einstein and the Children's Worship station on Pandora are some of his favorites. I discovered something a few days ago, however. My son, at the ripe old age of 7 weeks, has developed musical taste.

We had reached a point where playing music calmed him some, but he still wouldn't quite settle down. I decided to up the ante a bit. I turned on the Youtube video of Little Big Town performing "Pontoon" at this year's CMA awards (great performance by the way). Immediate silence. He even looked towards the screen the entire time it played. We haven't explored any other musical genres yet, but I'm interested to see what the little man prefers.

This little discovery of mine confirms something I have long thought. If you think that some children's item is annoying, well...your kid might think so too. Don't let your child cry while Barney sings the ABC's if you could simply turn on the radio and have a family jam session. As a parting thought, this has serious potential for reality television. How about replacing the judges on the The Voice with a group of babies? The person that makes the least babies cry wins. It'll be a scream.

Cough, Colds, and Chaos Saturday

There are a lot of big match-ups in college football today. HumorMD Jr. is a bit upset about the timing of all of them. The four games that he wants to watch are all scheduled within an hour of each other. What can I say major network producers? I'm not mad, just disappointed (cue maternal shake of the head). Regardless of the poor planning, tonight could either clarify the national championship race or set off an atomic bomb in the college football world. I'm hoping for the latter.

Here in our house, Chaos Saturday has a whole different meaning. HumorMD Jr. is right on the border between bottle sizes. We tried out the bigger one today, and his eyes were a bit bigger than his stomach. Overall he did well, but he did manage to give Dad a formula shower a few times. Not a big deal as far as I'm concerned. I've already written about the showers that the other end of his gastrointestinal tract can produce. I'll take this end any day of the week.

On the medical front, I've been doing some work for Yahoo recently. There have been many coughs and colds coming into the clinic with the weather getting cooler. To that end, I wrote up some educational material on antibiotics and sore throats that you can find here. For those that have been struck by a viral pharyngitis, here are a few things to try for symptomatic relief:

• honey tea
• salt gargles
• Halls lozenges
• Chloraseptic spray
• Mucinex (if you have a lot of junk running down your throat)
• Fluids

That is the list I usually give out to my patients. Nothing is a magic bullet, but it should help some. Time is your best friend. Try not to scream at the TV when your team loses tonight as well. Nothing like a little laryngeal irritation to go with your pharyngitis!