Hey, I'm Sick. Let's Do Something Weird.

There are a lot of home remedies that I use or run into as a physician. We hear about many of them every day and never think twice. To be honest with you, many patients find that they work fairly well. When you really think about it though, some of them are just downright weird. Here's a little sampling:

1. Salt water gargles-Whose mom made them gargle salt water when you had a sore throat? Mine surely did. The logic is rock solid. Hey, my throat really hurts. Lets put some salt water back there. Not like that's really caustic, right?

2. Cabbage leaves for mastitis-I have absolutely no idea how this one originated. You have to wonder about the breast milk after using this remedy. Does it change the taste of it for the infant? Does the child forever associate cabbage with infections and therefore never like vegetables? Questions, my friends, questions...

3. The Neti Pot-The time honored tradition of nasal irrigation (never thought you'd hear time honored and nasal irrigation together, did you?). This one is less weird to me. Squirting water up your nose loosen up the mucus has been happening for centuries and makes sense. Someone just decided to get cute and turn the instrument of mucous maceration into an antique. Here's a rather creative clip for further appreciation (note that I do not recommend all that he does):

4.  Chicken Soup-The most classic of all. I know that everyone has partaken of the poultry laden porridge when feeling a little stuffy. The question remains just as with the others. Why would someone think that putting chicken in hot water would make you feel better? Now, most chicken has steroids in it. So maybe if you get enough chicken, and thereby enough steroids, you feel better. Tell PETA to put that in their pipe and smoke it.

I may be making fun of these remedies, but I must be honest and tell that I have seen all of them work for people. Just because it sounds strange doesn't mean it's wrong. Just remember to do your research well when someone gives you an idea about a home remedy to try. You don't want to end up pouring coffee through your nasal passages like the Neti Pot guy...

What is Life About?

Ever sat at your desk at work or lay in bed at night wondering what you're doing? I don't mean literally of course. I'm talking about the grand scheme. What am I doing with my life? Will all of this effort I put forth every day matter? Some of the answers you arrive at during these sessions can be pretty disquieting. No one likes to think that their life will one day be forgotten, obsolete, or both.

I've had a lot of these moments at work. Part of being a medical resident is taking call, meaning I spend the night in the hospital taking care of patients. Any of my colleagues that know me, know that I hate night float (rotation where you work nights for the entire month). It isn't the sleep deprivation or being nocturnal for an entire month, though I don't really like that part much. It's the 3AM calls about dying patients that leave me standing outside a room by myself watching something unfold that I know I can't stop. I put on a good face for all, but there have been way too many times when I go back to my call room and stare at the ceiling. What am I doing here? Is this worth it?

Though I may still have my bad moments, I am fortunate blessed to have an answer to the purpose of life deal. I didn't come up with it, and it isn't anything original. It has nothing to do with me or any of my own talents (thank goodness). To quote Mark Driscoll, I'm just "a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody." Jesus said in Luke 19:10, "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." Don't know about you, but lost is exactly what I am without Him. That's my deal. That's what I'm about. I've stared at the ceiling wondering how much my personal efforts will matter when it's all said and done. The answer without Jesus wasn't very pretty.

Baby Crack

My son is a fairly easy-going little guy. He is OK being held by anyone and can entertain himself for hours flat on his back doing nothing. There is only one particular situation where you can see the crazy side of him...feeding time. The sweet little boy turns into a raging maniac that will spit his pacifier at you and scream in loud, short bursts (think Jekyll and Hyde). All of this will only be solved by the taste of formula on his tongue, and he transforms back into his relaxed self.

Needless to say, I recognized that desperate look in my son's eye from my clinical experience. Addiction will give a certain desperate look to a person that normally triggers my instinct to ask more questions and offer my help. You can imagine my reaction when I saw that look in my infant son.

This has led Mrs. HumorMD and myself to officially dub formula as "baby crack." It really does function as a cure all. Need to buy a few minutes of quiet while you get dressed? Break out the baby crack. Need to shoot a few baby photos without threat of a full scale infant mutiny? Pass the baby crack. I usually do not support feeding addiction or promoting obesity. In this case however, if you can't beat 'em, feed 'em.

Patients Diagnose Themselves

Believe it or not, patients will usually just flat out tell you what is wrong with them if you give them enough time. I've had several tell rambling stories until they finally just break down and blurt out something like,"I've got an ulcer!" Problem solved. We can move on now. Others are not quite so obvious. However, twenty minutes of a patient describing their problem in depth will get you much farther than twenty minutes of a doctor peppering a patient with random yes/no questions. Treat the patient like an artist painting you a picture. No need to make your own sketch when Picasso is working on Mona Lisa right in front of you.

The Deadly Infant GI Tract

HumorMD Jr. has continued to educate me for the past few days. You always think you will teach your kids a ton, but so far it has been totally reversed. As a physician, I take pride in the fact that I can stomach most anything. Have pus coming from all orifices of your body and your abdomen is blown open? No problem. As a matter of fact, I think it's time for lunch. HumorMD Jr. does his daily diaper blowout? The civil alert sirens go off. It is like nothing I have ever seen. My respect for pediatricians has exponentially increased. As an internist, I used to think of the peds crowd as a weaker breed. If you can deal with what I just saw coming from that baby bottom, then you are a real man as far as I'm concerned.

Since HumorMD Jr.'s gastrocolic reflex is that of a grown man, we will continue our introduction to grown man sports today. We are watching College Gameday together as we speak. Hope the rest of you enjoy your Saturday!

Tebow

This post has nothing to do with medicine, humor, or any other theme I may have accidentally developed on my blog. This is one of the occasional posts where I just talk about what I want to talk about. I promise, it will still be worthwhile and not mindless drivel that makes you regret coming to my site. Sports will be the theme of the near future. The Ryder Cup is this weekend, which is one of the most awesome events imaginable. More about that in future days. For now, we must talk about Tebow.

A few disclaimers to start out with. I'm biased towards Tebow. Big time. For me, he is the quintessential sports hero. Not only do I share his Christian beliefs, but I love the way he plays football. I am a ground and pound guy. The NFL is incredibly too pass happy in my opinion. It was amazing watching him run all over people while all the pundits said it couldn't be done in the league. I say all that just to be fair. Beyond his undervalued skills, the guy is just a flat out winner. If we are picking teams on the playground, I'd take him with my first pick all day long regardless of the sport being played. His intangibles are that far through the roof.

I'm still amazed at the negativity directed at Tebow. I'm pretty confident much has to do with his outspoken faith. No one in their right mind can say the man can't win ballgames. He already has. He works harder than anyone. He helps those that are hurting and tries to be an example for kids. He regards his mission outside of football as more important than the game. All of these are things that we try to teach our own kids, yet he gets bashed daily. Why? Besides show an amazing will to win, being a great example, and not apologizing for what he believes in, what can you criticize about the man? If you disagree with his beliefs, say so. Don't hide behind petty criticism of his game when you really just want to see him fail so that you can try to connect any on the field failure he has to his religious views.

Something else I haven't figured out it is how the Broncos willfully let Tebow leave the city. Did you see what that kid just did for your team? I realize that John Elway is a Hall of Famer who wants to have a prototypical quarterback. But you must realize the opportunity before you. How much more of an impact will you leave on the game if you build a team around Tebow and win? Everyone said that style of play wouldn't work, and you proved that it did. Your next move? Trade Tebow!!?? Incomprehensible to me. I happen to love Peyton Manning as well. Think he is a great guy and one of the best QB's of all time. But this opportunity is much bigger than getting a 36 year old QB with multiple neck surgeries.

So there are my thoughts. Tebow is the man, plain and simple. He is the sole reason that I tune into the NY Jets games every Sunday. Now let's get him some playing time!

Article Concerning the Rules for Organizing and kNowing how to Name Your clinical study Magically, or the ACRONYM article

Most scientific disciplines, at their very core, amount to a bunch of big five year olds getting together and seeing if they can make something fun happen. Trial and error is the name of the game, and medicine is no different. We call our grand experiments clinical trials. One group of patients gets the newest idea for treatment, and the other group gets either nothing or the old treatment. The race is on, and we see who wins (vast oversimplification, but the general idea is there). Those of you in the audience that are medical know much more than this of course. However, there is a little known secret to clinical trials that, in my estimation, is essential to the results of a clinical trial having a lasting impact on medicine...the name.

If you ever been involved in a medical argument, you will hear the names of clinical trials flying left and right like bullets in warfare. Conjecture and personal opinion will only get you so far. We treat based on facts, people, and we get our facts from trials. You might think that we physicians are too objective to be swayed by things like the name of the clinical trial...you'd be wrong. It's a lot easier to quote the FAME or COURAGE trial than some long sentence that actually says what the trial is investigating. Heck, even the lowly med student or resident can remember a one word name or catchy phrase. Just that much easier to whip out that latest trial during rounds and impress the attending. For those that don't know, spontaneously producing a clinical trial on the spot during rounds to either prove your point or prove someone else wrong is the holy grail of medical students. You pull this off, and you can write your ticket for that rotation. It's kind of like winning American Idol without the fuss of months of singing on national television and listening to judges make dumb comments.

You may wonder what kind of criteria there are for a "memorable" clinical trial name. Based on previous results, here are a few guidelines (not strict of course, as creativity is encouraged here):

1. Brevity is key. One word is better than two. Shorter is better...you get the picture.

2. References to mythology are not only acceptable, but encouraged. Remember your audience. We're nerds.

3. The more bold and glamorous, the better. Titles like AFFIRM, AWESOME, VICTORY are examples. Go big or go home. Picture how the title will be listed when you are accepting the Nobel...and then make it even more bold.

4. The acronym doesn't have to fit perfectly, or at all. The original idea was the one word allows you to remember the entire name of the trial. Now that the fad has taken off, investigators no longer feel the need to confined by things like the definition of the word acronym. Just name it what you want and figure out the rest later.

5. A catchy name with a medical play on words is just flat awesome. My favorite example would have to be PROVE IT-TIMI 22. The number at the end aside, this title is genius. For the non medical folk, TIMI stands for Thrombolysis in Myocardial Infarction. The name can be found everywhere now. There is a TIMI risk score, TIMI study group, etc. Other clinical trials from the same study group have the TIMI acronym, but none achieved what this one did. A good title that plays directly off the name of your study group? Please. Stop it. We're not worthy.

So there you go folks. I've given you the keys to the academic kingdom. Go forth, publish, and change the world. For you laypeople, this should give you reassurance that medicine follows fads just like normal culture does. We ain't any better; we just dress it up enough to make it sound good.